Summary - Pick One Friend Project

You lost your remote control and the television started to show a horribly boring soap drama, with no good looking actor/actress at all. you start praying so that the remote resurfaces. Suddenly it’s there right on the dining table. You don’t care how weird to find it there even though you can never watch tv from there. All you’re thinking right now is there’s the remote. Now imagine you lost a remote for 15 years!

Yesterday, an old old friend of mine contacted me via comment on Extinct Heritage with the nick “anonymous”. Even though he did not revealed his name, he gave clues for me to guess who he is. He must have his reason for being anonymous, so I’m going to respect that. I’m going to refer to him as NS

Like the quest for finding the remote, I’ve actually been looking for him since ever. I tried his emails, I even planned to go to Kulim, where he used to live. However my only memory on how to go to his house is just the bus station, nothing else. It’s been 15 years and finally my best friend contacted me

And the fact that he found me via the blog is an extra bonus.. search engine really works! (I actually mentioned his name several times in my previous post)

So please excuse today’s post when it is a bit personal in nature. Not everyday you found a lost friend. And I can assure you, the feeling is pretty much like when you found that remote control. Not that I equate friendship with a remote control, you know what I mean. I’m just happy and thankful.

So to my fellow friends.. how about you? I bet you too are a long lost friend to someone. Why not give this same feeling I’m having to your long lost friend. This is what you should do

1) Go through your email address list and email one.. saying hi
2) or pick JUST ONE of your friendster / myspace friend and message him
3) or SMS one friend you had never contacted before.
4) or just pick up the phone and call him/her

Come guys… join me in this PICK ONE FRIEND project just after you read this, and then if you want, tell me about it in the additional ideas section. It can be from what response you get, or just how long you haven’t contacted him/her. The important thing is today, you contacted one long lost friend.

PICK ONE FRIEND project starts now!

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Summary - What you should NOT do when people hurt you

This entry is actually dedicated to a friend of mine. Hopefully it will be of use to all of us, especially me.

When people hurt your feeling, calling you names, what would you feel. Definitely rock bottom down. Well, we are human, and it would be very weird if you don’t feel a thing. “Why do people have to say such things?” I can very well say that each of us have or will meet this type of people in our life. The type of people who joke around by hurting other people. And when we say that that is just cruel, they insist that they were just joking. and that we should have sense of humor. The funny thing is, when the joke is on them, they are not that humorous at all.

Don’t we all knew this type of people at least once in our life?

What should we do? I don’t exactly know. Everyone had their own way of dealing with them. But I know exactly what we shouldn’t do…

1) Never run away from them

There will be millions of people like this around the world. Yes, believe me… if you think he is bad, you ain’t seeing anything just yet. There are people even worse and they are all around us. If you give in and run away from the first person, I can assure you lots more will be heading your way. and you will spend your life running.

So be strong. do your very own research on how to deal with him. Either speak to his face that you hated when he make fun of you, or just treat him as invisible man (my favorite). It’s your choice. But never run away… if not, you will be running all your life.

2) We should never let this people affect our life.

There’s a Malay proverb - “Jangan marahkan nyamuk, kelambu dibakar”. Which generally means that if you are mad at something, don’t punish everything else but that thing. Why should you hate yourself? Why should you change? Why do you have to feel miserable for what he did or said?

There are many more important people, worthy of our tears. worthy of our attention like our parents, best friends, and even spouse. These are the people who we deserve our attention, should be our reason for creating or ending a blog. NOT the person who hurt us. So the next time we are going to be hurt by these people, just remember that they are not worth the agony.

So please guys, what would you advise this friend of mine? Any other way to deal with this kind of people?

————— Personal Note ————————–
There’s a quote from Princess Diary that I remember. “You can only be hurt if you allow it to hurt”. Just ponder about it… we can never control people’s mouth. So we should always make a concious decision to NOT allow the insult hurt us. I know it’s easier said than done. But seriously it works. Helped me through a lot of rough time.

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So do you guys know any Zulkifli Zainon (Bob)? Last time I heard he used to work in a restaurant near to The Mines. It sucks when friends were separated, isn’t it?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if I’m not mistaken that there is one hadith which generally means as follow :

“If two muslims get into a fight with each other and they end up didn’t speak to each other, they will have to break the silence on the third day or face the wrath of Allah”

Now I’m not going to analyze the hidden meaning of the hadith because that will require special knowledge like “Sanat” etc. I’m only interested in highlighting the beauty of Islam clearly embedded in it.

Can we all agree that for us to get into a fight or argument, it must be because of something we truly believe in? Obviously once we believe in something, we will defend it to the end. Islam apparently had anticipated this and lay down the ground rule that by the third day, both must say hi to each other irregardless of the different opinion. Both then will put aside their difference and reconcile solely for the greater purpose which is “Keredhaan Allah”.

Now isn’t that just beautiful?

What fascinates me most is not the fact those two be friends again. But the way Islam teaches us that greater purpose MUST always be “Keredhaan Allah”. We will always have different opinion on things. And if we are going to fight any person who oppose our stand, it will be “World of Warcraft” all day long. Very tiring.

So what if the other person didn’t know about the hadith, YOU DO and you’ve done your part. Congratulation!! That is not an easy thing to do and you’ve done it.

Hm.. listen, listen, the world is more peaceful now, don’t you think?One day of peace after two days of war is not so bad right? right?

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I watched the movie “Contact” played by Jodie Foster tonight. And one phrase caught my attention and if you don’t mind, I would like to share it with you guys.

The phrase is Ockham’s Razor. It says that “All things being equal, the simplest solution/explanation tends to be the best one”

Basically it suggest that the simpler the solution/explanation, the better it is. For example, you saw your current girlfriend dating another handsome guy in a mall when she actually know that you will be shopping at the mall that time.

Natural response would be -

• “Is she cheating on me?”
• “But she knows that I will be shopping here today, maybe that’s her relative”
• “Maybe she knows I’ll be here, and she wants me to see her date to make me jealous”
• “Still, she should know that I’m not easily jealous, so she may want to spice things up with me, introducing jealousy”
• “Or did she trying to convey a message to take care of her better or else?”

The question will go on, until you forgot that magggi mee you are supposed to buy. The fact is all you know for sure is just that she went out with another guy. That’s it. All else are just assumptions. This is the simplest explanation you can come up at the moment. And according to Ockham’s Razor, this is the best explanation. It may not be the truth. But it is the best. So you may ask, why is this important? It is important because assumption is a very dangerous thing to have in a relationship. The danger is when you assume something totally out of emotion and you act on it.

The girl may be spending time with her beloved brother who just came back from oversea. Where as you may already start writing a break-up later that very moment out of anger.

So in short - Never ever assume in a relationship. If you must, don’t act on just mere assumption.

Actually the phrase is widely used in engineering, to provide the simplest solution with minimal assumption. I just find applying it in real life to be more interesting

————— Personal Note ————————–
Tomorrow, I will only be able to post from email, as I’m going back to KL.

It may not be that important, but I learn the “No-Assumption-Rule” from real life experience. For my wife, who may be reading this, No.. it’s not us. I’ve made some mistake like losing a friend because of assumption. You remember Nur Syikri I told you before. Ya well, at one point, I had made assumptions that he is talking behind my back about my secrets (way back in the 90s) hehe. Because of that alone, I started not contacting him. He may or may not be giving out my secrets, but I had act on it. And it cause me a very good friend. hmm do you guys ever did the same mistake? share it here.. so we may learn from each other.

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