Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

I’ve stumbled this video today. It’s apparently over 1 year old so I bet some of you might have seen this before. However, I feel compelled to share it with you guys since it is just that beautiful.

p.s. I don’t care if it contain the exact same message as a movie by Robin Williams. A diamond will always be valuable irregardless of how many times it had been resold.

p.s.2. A few friends had informed me that the video is not viewable to those receiving the feed by email. I’m really sorry about that and am still working on solving it. Any ideas?

Credit to ThinkFamily

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Are You In A Relationship That Doesn't Make Sense?

Summary – Why do things that do not make any sense in a relationship?

The Story

It’s a typical love story. Boy meets Girl, Boy fall in love with Girl, Boy don’t know how to treat Girl, Boy and Girl break up.

The break up can be due to a lot of reasons. I am going to use this scenario though to elaborate.

In the mind of the Boy :”I must not show that I’m weak, she will never like me if I’m weak. I shouldn’t say that I love her. That is a sign of weakness and romantic. No girls will like me then.”

In the mind of the Girl :”All I need is a small gesture of affection. Does he even like me? He doesn’t even say hi to me when we met just now. Am I wasting my time waiting for him to approach me?”

Does this relationship makes sense to you?

Why do we do things that do not make any sense. If the boy really likes the girl, he should have said so. Or at least gave out hints of his feeling. Pretending that she does not exist just to look cool in front of her doesn’t make sense at all.

The Bigger Application

No worries. Almost everyone will do things that do not make any sense every once in a while. Some typical examples of things we do in a relationship that do not make sense are such as:

  • You love the spouse but you never show that you love her.
  • You miss her so much but you never call her.
  • You do everything to get her to love you, but when she completely in love with you, you take her for granted.
  • You said nothing is more important than her, but every chance you have, you will run to your computer replying emails and comments on blog.

I don’t think I need to put it in words that this applies to both man and woman. We do a lot of things that do not make any sense in our relationship. We should take note of them and do something about it.

Change a few things in your relationship today that will make more sense to you. If you love her, tell her exactly that. Don’t hide that emotion from her.

If you want him to adore you, be someone he can adore. He will just be annoyed if you keep annoying him. It’s as simple as that.

– I wonder –
What else doesn’t make sense in a relationship?

———— Personal Note ————
During my early days of blogging, I must admit that I had some trouble balancing my time between blogging and family. Fortunately for me, the mrs was very understanding and supportive. I quickly learnt my lesson and adjust accordingly.

In the end, nothing is more important than family.

Photo Credit – DerrickT

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The Correct Way To Argue In A Relationship

Summary – 7 rules we need to establish beforehand

Having an argument in a relationship is a very normal thing. In fact, it is a known fact that a relationship without any argument is most probably doomed to fail.

Why argument is just as important in a relationship?

It is because argument will make us see the better option in any situation. We are usually blinded with our own opinion that we fail to see another point of view of things. Yes, even if that other point of view is way better. For example, we may believe that children should not be given money. All of their money must be saved in the bank for their future. Make sense right?

However, your spouse may argue that by giving them money, they will value money better as they will now understand how hard it is to save. The more they save, the better things they can purchase later on. That is a better opinion, don’t you think?

So how exactly can we mould this argument to produce positive results instead? There is only one thing you can do, prepare for it.

Ultimate Rule of Argument Is Preparation

Always establish some ground rules before everything. Do you remember the time when love is all around? The time when she is 2 hours late on a date and you are still able to smile when she arrived. Try to sit and discuss with her these simple rules during this period of time.

Discuss this – “In the case of argument, how will the two of you solve it?”. The following are some suggestion on what both of you can agree on in this discussion.

1) Only argue when the argument can help you two become better people
There is no reason to argue about who’s taking out the trash. Somebody will still have to do it. If not, your house will start to smell. If for some reason you are stuck with this pointless argument, one of you should remind the other that this argument is just not worth it.

2) Never attack each other’s ego.
No man will stand being called a coward, just like no woman likes to be treated like a slave. Define each other’s borderline and make it known to your spouse. For example, the girlfriend doesn’t like to be scolded by her boyfriend in public, so the boyfriend should take note of this and even though he is not happy, he should raise the issue behind closed doors.

As long as we’re here, no name calling either please.

3) There should always be only one person talking at any time.
An argument will stop being helpful when it starts becoming a duet presentation by the couple. This is when the two scream at each other at the same time. Seriously, how can you know the problem when nobody is listening.

It will not help either if nobody is talking.

4) Establish that there will sometimes be one winner and one loser.
Obviously the perfect argument is when the outcome is a win-win situation. However, there are some cases when the result of an argument is one-sided. For example, if the husband has been assigned to be in charge of finance, almost all argument about finance will be won by the husband. You just cannot spend $1000 on both investment and buying things at the same time.

Set up some rules on how to be a winner or a loser. For example, the winner must always respect the losers. Laughing at losers is so 7 years old.

5) Agree on a third person.
If and only if the argument is going nowhere and both parties are not preparing to compromise. A third person must be assigned beforehand. Typical examples are like bestfriends or families. This person will then help the couple to reach an agreement. He will also have the authority to make a decision on the argument and the couple must accept it no matter what.

It is always considered a good manner not to involve the third person in all argument. He or she has a life too you know :)

6) Any parties can step away from the argument at anytime (cooling period).
It is very normal for anger to build up in any argument especially when it involves personal matters. The couple should agree beforehand that any one of you can request to be left alone for a period of time as a cooling period. Believe me it really helps.

When you are angry, your judgment will be clouded and you will not be able to see what the better option is. I can say that this is the hardest rule of all since anger will require all your strength just to contain it.

For more tips on anger management, you might want to read an article I wrote – How To Be The Strongest Man On The Planet.

7) Practise arguing.
This may be silly, but why not? Schedule a few time in a year to practise handling an argument. Try the cooling period request, or the third person, especially the no-ego attack rule. It can be about anything. Anything that the two of you are not in agreement. Remember, the aim is to practise these beforehand rule you established.

When the time come for the actual fight, you will know exactly what to do. And when the wife ask for a cooling period, you will understand and give her. Hey! it’s in the rule right?

– I wonder –
What other rules should be established about argument beforehand?

———— Personal Note ————-
Very recently, I had an argument with the mrs. A small one actually, more of a misunderstanding. And when we were trying to discuss it very seriously, there she was, our 4 months old daughter (Zafirah) smiling endlessly at us. And we actually stopped our argument to smile back.

We quickly wrapped up the discussion and solved the argument immediately :)

Photo Credit – victoriapeckham

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Summary – Defining Love & Marriage

Lesson in life is best learnt from history. That said, this is a very interesting classic story explaining love and marriage. I’m sure many of you have heard it before. If you haven’t, I’m sure you will enjoy it. The story was rewritten based on my memory.

A wise man and his student were walking when they reached a bazaar (a street filled with hawkers selling food etc). Both of them were talking about philosophy when suddenly the student asked the wise man, “Can you explain what is love?”

The wise man smilingly refused to answer. Instead he took some money and handed it over to the student. He said, “Take this money and go buy me the most delicious food in this bazaar. However there is one rule, you must treat the street as a one way street, which means once you have passed a hawker stall and you did not buy any food, you cannot buy any food later from that stall. So choose wisely.”

The student excitedly went through the street. He was amazed with the variety of foods offered at the first stalls. He then wondered, “Maybe there are more delicious food further into the street. I’m sure”. He then walked deeper into the street, finding more delicious food at every stall.

After some time, he realized that the stalls at the end of the street doesn’t sell any food at all. They were selling clothes etc. He regretted not buying any food and had to return to the wise man empty handed.

The wise man told him, “This is Love. You keep looking for a better one, but you only realize it when you have already missed the person”

The student then asked another question, “What is Marriage then?”

The wise man said, “You still have my money don’t you? Now go buy us the most delicious food. The food must also be reasonably cheap. And of course, the same rule applies. It is still a one way street.”

The student went back into the street. This time he was very careful not to repeat the previous mistake. After about 10 minutes walking, he bought some delicious food for him and the wise man. He then returned back satisfied with that food.

The wise man then smilingly said, “This time you look for one that is just nice. You sincerely believe this is the best decision you have made. And even if there are more delicious cheap food out there, you will still be happy with this one. That, my son, is Marriage.”

/end story

– I wonder –
What do you think? Does it describe Love and Marriage accurately. Let’s discuss

———– Personal Note ————-
I’m not sure about other countries, but here in Malaysia, every year during Ramadhan (Muslim’s fasting month), we will have a lot of Ramadhan Bazaar specifically selling food for us to break our fast. You can find all the rare delicacies, a lot of which can only be found during Ramadhan. It has now become a culture shared not only by muslim but with all races and religion. Beautiful :)

Photo Credit – Erwin

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