Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Installing Safety Valve At Your Heart

Summary – A proper exit point where no one get hurt

About Safety Valves

Allow me to introduce you to the three most important equipments in my mill : The safety valves. Bear with me for a while as I explain them.

There is a boiler in my mill, which generally produces power to run the mill. During operation, the pressure inside the boiler will go up as high as 30 Bar (that is equivalent to 30 times atmospheric pressure). In short, if the boiler pressure continues to rise there is a chance that the boiler will explode. I’m afraid that if that happened Lesson In Life will most probably no longer be updated.

Luckily we have the three safety valves. If at anytime the pressure inside the boiler go up to 32 Bar, the first valve will be opened automatically, releasing the pressure. And if that didn’t reduce the pressure, the remaining two will take over.

Why am I telling you this? I believe that we too need to install some of these safety valves to our heart. It may prove useful someday especially when our negative emotion has reached its critical point.

Why Do We Need Safety Valves At Our Heart

Our emotion is a very powerful element. It can bring both the best and the worst in us, Emotion like anger, hate, frustration can usually build up inside from time to time. And when it reach its critical state and explode, there is a chance that our nearest friend, who may very well be innocent, will be at the receiving end.

How will you feel if your best friend suddenly yell at you in public, cursing and humiliating you? Even if he apologize later, will that make everything better?

The whole objective of installing these safety valves to our heart is to set up a safe place or ways to channel all our feeling. A place that is far from friends and family. A way that whenever you unleash all those emotion, nobody gets hurt.

How to do this? Unfortunately you will have to figure your unique way yourself. When involving emotion, everybody will have to create their own manual. However, if you are still clueless about what to do, here’s a few example to get you started.

Recommended Personal Safety Valves To Try.

  • Chat with a stranger on instant messenger. Let it all out. Try to choose one that is on idle. When he get back from toilet, he will have an earfull :)
  • Create a secret blog. Change the character’s name and tell the world your story. Whether you want to promote the blog or not, it’s totally up to you.
  • Yell to the sea. This is classic. If there is no sea, a tree will do. Try not to punch the tree. We are trying to let the pain heals, not creating new pain.
  • Do one selfless act. Help a blind crossing the road, or offer to paint the house. If you still not feeling better, do another. Selfless act never fail to make you feel better.
  • Run your heart out. Go to a jogging track and run like you never run before. The more intense your emotion build up, the faster you should run. Never run in a busy street though. You might get hit by a car. Even though that may solve one’s problem, don’t.
  • Reciting your list of life’s priority. When you do this repeatedly, you will be reminded that what you’re feeling right now is nothing important. There are more important things in life.
  • Write to your newspaper. They may reject the letter, but somebody is definitely reading :)

Conclusion – It is very important to know how to react when you are overwhelmed by those negative emotion (anger, hate, frustration, etc). Know it by heart so that the moment you are feeling angry, you know exactly what to do. It is also equally important for you to try out that safety valve of yours from time to time.

– I wonder –
What’s your personal safety valve?

——– Personal Note ———
Today, there’s an engineer from the Department of Safety & Health coming for a visit to the mill. He asked me to test out the existing safety valves, making sure that they are working fine.

Somehow personally, I am never worried about machine causing an accident. That very rarely happens. Accidents usually happen due to people working dangerously.

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love

Summary – Differentiating two guys, a friend and one that has feeling for you

Ms Diha has asked me a question in the comment section of MBBDDH Attitude. First of all, thank you for the question, I will try to explain my opinion on the matter. To all fellow friends reading, feel free to add in to the answer. Together we can chip in all our experience to help each other.

For those who are interested, there is also an article I wrote on How To Know Whether He / She Is The One. Enjoy.

The question – “(Translated to English) How am I supposed to know that a guy likes me? He and I have been friends since primary school, and we became closer these few months. He seems to care so much about me and always offer to send me back to Shah Alam. Once he took a vacation oversea and he SMS’ed me almost everyday, updating his whereabout. He just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he said that he has given up on her.

So how do I know whether he really likes me, or I’m just a rebound?”

/end question

A disclaimer (as advised by my lawyer) – Everyone is different, and the method described here may / may not work for you. But I still can guarantee you that it will work for about 80% of the population of the world :)

That said, here what you should do

Step 1 – Sense the vibe
I’m sure you have pass this step, since you already has a hunch that he is attracted to you. This first step is important. Simply because the heart will be the first to detect if someone else is attracted to you. However, it may not be accurate if you yourself are attracted to him. You will then see everything he does as a sign of his affection for you. Differentiate this first, whether or not the vibe is from you or from him. And then move on to step 2

Step 2 – Ask yourself : Are you attracted to him?
It doesn’t matter if the world’s most eligible bachelor fall for you if you just didn’t have any feeling for the guy. So confirm this first. In your case, I can see that you are attracted to him. So you can just move on to step 3.

Step 3 – Is he worth it?
It’s confirmed. You can sense the vibe from him. He definitely have feeling for you. And so are you. Next you need to determine whether he is ok. You don’t want to be involved with someone who robs bank don’t you?

I admit the 3 steps will not help you to know his true feeling, but still the 3 steps are important to know what exactly you want and whether or not that thing you want is exactly what you need. Moving on..

Step 4 – Watch and jot down the signal
When I say watch for signal, I really mean it. Take a piece of paper, and write it down. If he smile or make effort to “accidentally” bump into you on his way to class, jot that down. I will describe why later.

Some other examples of signals a guy may do

  • Going all out for you – When you ask for a call at 11.34am, he actually ask what time is it now according to your watch. And when you are sick, he may buy some hot chicken soup for you. You know what to do right? Pretend that you’re sick and let him know.
  • Selfless act – Ask him for help in something he will not gain anything. Maybe pick up a friend at the bus station for you since you are sick :)
  • Make effort to know you – A real love for a guy is when he actually make the effort to know you. He will notice what you like to eat, and what you don’t. He will take note that you are a flower-lover type or not (He may be planning to buy you flowers later on)

So did you write everything he does down? Let’s go to step 5

Step 5 – Analyze and return EXACTLY how much he gave you.
This is very important. Some guys go all out just for a friend. Some will only do that for girls he like. So how to differentiate this?

Easy, if a guy give you a present for birthday, return the favor by giving him a present during his birthday. and most importantly is to NEVER overdo it. If he send you an MMS, you reply back by sending him an MMS. If he introduce you to his friend, you do the same. EXACTLY the same.

Why the words “exactly”? Because a guy who has feeling for you will take this as a hint and will go all out even more. He will always want to show that he loves you even more. If you give him a present during his birthday, he may start giving present during Valentine, or just “because he thinks of you” :)

You will be able to see how exactly he is trying if you wrote down what he did the first time (Step 4). At one time, his action will just give him away and you can see clearly how much he likes you.

Step 6 – Be flexible
When involving human emotion, nothing is black and white. All the advice above may be spot on and solve your problem entirely. Or they can just solve nothing. So be flexible. Remember, a guy who is attracted to a girl will try in every possible way to show her how he feels. Your mission is to give him a push until his action give his secret away.

– I wonder –
Based on your experience, how do you know if someone has feeling for you?

———- Personal Note ————
Appreciate the question Diha, hope this helps. For everyone else, feel free to shoot me an email or ask questions here. I will try my best to answer them :)

Photo Credit – LinhNgan

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love

A friend sent me these quotes (thanks, you know who you are). According to the email, these are how some children answered when they were asked to describe what is love. I have no idea whether the answers were truly from those children but I still find the quotes interesting.

Rebecca [age 8] – “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

Terri (age 4) – “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Danny (age 7) – “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Nikka (age 6) – “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

Noelle (age 7) – “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

/end quotes

It’s Sunday, and here in LessonInLife I don’t think anyone deserve to be stressed with heavy topic on a Sunday :)

But can I ask, how would you describe love? (The catch is you must use only examples like what Rebecca, Danny and Noelle answered)

Photo credit –  Huong Lan

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Coffee Shop

“The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.” – Unknown Quote

Beautiful isn’t it? I received this quote via email from a friend and I ask myself – “if only I have 10 such friends, I will be set for life, no need to find other friends”.

But how can I find such friends? Here a few test that may help you figure out “best kind of friend” from “just friend”.

1) Ask a friend out for a drink. The reason this is tips number 1 is because we need to determine where we stand in the friendship. Just know that it’s a bad sign if everyone suddenly need to visit their sick aunties.

  • He agree = +1 point
  • He disagree = -1 point

2) Ask questions. One of the most annoying thing a friend can do is if he talk only about himself.

  • He stopped sometimes and ask you questions = +1 point
  • He keeps talking about himself one topic to another topic = -1 point

3) Deliberately pause during the chatting for 1 minute. Sometimes we go blank during chatting. I’m sure it happens to us all. Let see what our friend will do in that situation.

  • He took the initiative and throw in a topic to chat about = +1 point
  • He take out his cellphone and start sending sms = -1 point

4) Check his moral compas. There’s no point in making friend with a serial killer, however supportive he is friendship wise. Throw in some imaginative question like “What is this killer thinking about when they are on a killing spree?”

  • He immediately show his disagreement with the killing = +1 point
  • He proudly say that he will do it another way = -1 point

5) Plan a secret keeping test. This one you must do before hand. Get a coperative friend (Friend A) and tell him that you are going to share a secret with friend B. This friend A and B of course know each other. Friend A is supposed to check whether or not friend B will spill out the secret you shared with him.

  • Friend A inform you that friend B doesn’t tell even after being strangled = +1 point
  • Friend B publish your secret in his blog =-1 point

6) Ask for money. This is usually the ultimate test. When you ask a friend for money claiming that it’s an emergency, and the friend straight away lend you, it’s a sign that he is willing to lose his money on you. But of course don’t spend the money. Pay him back after a month or two.

Do not lose good friend over money.

  • He straight away give you money without hesitation = +1 point
  • He walks away = -1 point

– I wonder –
I’m sure there are more test you can think of. It would be great if you share it here.

——— Personal Note ———–
Be very certain that the fact you’re testing him remain a secret. Nobody likes to be tested. That can sometimes be seen as not sincere.

There are hundreds of people we met each day, and everyone can be our friend. But in this hundreds of friends, there will only be about 10-20 that fall into “the best kind of friend” category. And that is why we need to do the test, and determine who they are.

It really is a lost if you lose friends as described in the above quote.

Photo credit : Chrys Omori

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