Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Summary – Proper Get To Know in Baby Steps

One of the simplest question in the world and yet comes with millions of different answers is this “How do you win a woman’s / guy’s heart?”

Ever wonder why the millions of different answers? The reason is because everyone is simply uniquely different. If you give a girl a flower, she may likes it and find you romantic. Another girl if given the same flower, may actually be throwing it away. If later on she starts to vomit, it’s a sign for you to move on :)

So how can we become the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife? How to know the correct way to treat each other? The perfect amount to treat/care for someone?

Well my friend. It is not an easy job. But the whole secret is this – Proper Get To Know in Baby Steps. Let me try to explain this method.

An example, it’s your first date. And you are afraid of saying the wrong things, discussing things that she may not like. So what do you do?

Things she definitely like
First try to talk about things that she must like. For examples, she is studying art. The most accurate assumption is that she likes art. You can try to ask her some small details about art. Whether the subject is hard or not? Don’t ask her to teach you art. She’s going out with you, not her lecturer. Just some small details.

Listen & Make a mental note
This is where people always fail. They just don’t listen. You of all person, should listen to everything she said. There are always hints in her conversation about other things she like.

It is important that you remember what she like. Why? I’ll explain it soon

Start Get-To-Know
Now we probably have some question in mind. For example, does she have sense of humor? what kind of joke she hated? This is where you will have to baby-step your way in. Put up a joke, and if she laugh, make a mental note of that joke.

Don’t immediately attack her then with your Giant Book of Joke. That would annoy anyone. :) So what happen if your joke is not acceptable or hated? Simply just don’t pursue that route. Say sorry and start afresh with another approach. Ask about other things you would like to know, bestfriend, hated lecturers etc.

If all else fail, remember that list of things she like? Use them back. Of course the reintroducing of the topic must be very subtle.

Then what?
By the end of the date, you should know a lot of details about her. What she like? How she like / hate to be treated? What topic is forbidden to talk about? etc

Just imagine you go out with a person who knows exactly what you like to talk about, do exactly what he/she is expected to do.

The keyword is baby-step. You should introduce anything in small detail at first, and if she dislikes the idea, just abandon that idea and move on to the next thing.

Most people already know about this, but most of the time they do 2 mistakes :
1) They rush into things

  • The girl herself is trying to get to know you. Take your time

2) They do not listen

  • How can you know her if you do not listen. And obviously you will be repeating the same mistakes over and over.

– Disclaimer –
The concept is NOT only applied to men. It can be used by both men and women, especially husband and wife, even between friends. :)

– I wonder –
Anything else I missed?

——- Personal Note ——–
I am going to tell you a secret. The first time the mrs and I date, I actually bought her a rose. When she saw me standing there with a rose, she actually ran away :) And after I caught up with her, (and after a lot of persuasion) she told me that she dislikes the idea of rose at the first date.

I learnt my lesson and now she is Mrs banji :)

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Friendship

Summary – Friday : The day to contact Lost Friends

I just went through my phonebook (in my handphone of course), and I come across my ex-roommate. He is a very dear friend of mine, and I suddenly remembered that he hasn’t called me for quite some time.

At that point, I faced two feeling. One is that feeling of wanting to call him back, just to say hi. Another is that pride thing where I think I had called him quite a lot already, and it’s his turn to call me back.

Of course I chosed calling him. And after a while, I realized that it was me that has changed my phone number and didn’t bother to give him. Whether or not he will call me if I’m still using the old number is not an issue. I should always give him the benefit of a doubt and never assume.

/end story

Guys, I know that there are some of your friends out there that you haven’t call or email. Today is the perfect day to do just that. Pick up the phone, SMS or call him/her. Friendship is just too valuable just to be sacrificed for pride. Even if he/she never make the first move, that should not be an excuse for you to do the same.

Cherish your friendship. You have taken quite a lot of time nurturing them, selecting your friends.. Why throw it away over a petty pride.

Of course they are friends that are just not worth it. But isn’t it always better to have 10 useless friends than no friend at all

Remember

  • Choose one friend from your phonebook
  • Call him / SMS him / email him now
  • Put up a reminder in your handphone calendar, to contact another friend next week.

– I wonder –
How about you reply this article by telling us about a friend of yours? A name and how you become friends would be great

———– Personal Note ———–
Let me start, the person I just called is Bahim. He is now working in Toyota and just got married last year in March. I apparently wasn’t invited simply because I changed my phone number,Fortunately I called.

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Summary – Unconditional Love

I’m very sorry for not posting, it has been a very busy day these past few days. I’m preparing for my brother’s wedding.

It’s time like this that we usually understand what unconditional love means. Loving someone, and prepare to give everything we had just to make things work for him/her. Most importantly, there’s no rewards or payback insisted.

This is in my opinion of the greatest paradox in life. Allow me to explain..

When we talk about unconditional love, what exactly do we aim to achieve by talking about it? Most of the time we want to be on the receiving end of the unconditional love. Meaning, we really like it if there’s a person or two that actually love us unconditionally.

The only way we can be loved unconditionally by someone, is by actually loving that someone unconditionally. No other way. Here’s where it become interesting.

If we love someone with the intention to be loved, then there’s not “Unconditional”. In fact that is very conditional.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but there’s no way we can ask for unconditional love. We can only give it away.

So guys… let’s start with the family, Give away your unconditional love. If your mother ask you to drive her, do it with a smile. It’s the least we can do after the life-threatening experience she had when we were born. Never expect she will chip in with the petrol or toll.

Some people in life deserve that…

– I wonder –
Has anyone ever do the same to you, offering you help when there’s nothing he can gain back from you?

—————- Personal Note ————–
I’m sorry for the typo, but the wedding is not yesterday. It is actually today about 5 hours from the time I’m typing this.

The next day there will be a small feast at the bride’s house, and the next day after that (Sunday), it will be at my house :)

Anybody in Kedah? You’re invited :)

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Summary – Important to establish these 5 very early in a marriage

Tomorrow is going to be the biggest day in my brother’s life, DaPocket. No more a bachelor, he will then be a husband :)

Things will be quite different after you get married. I’ve stressed this in the past, and I think it is that important to stress it again now. However, no need to worry, the changes is only for the better.

Unless both of you had married before, you will have no idea what to expect. So this is my early gift to you.. A list of things you should establish very early in your marriage.

1) To err is human. Establish with her that you will make mistake, she will make mistake. When any of you did make a mistake, the other should be able to forgive. You may not like it if she call you when you’re working, she may accidentally called you. So please forgive her. It will take some time for her to know you.

2) New parents. Her family is now your family, and so is your family is now hers. Family will always come first. And both of you must understand that. Never ever use family as tools in your marriage. For example, “I will not let you visit your folk if you keep bothering me when I work!”. These types of talk should never come across your mind.

3) Money spending. This is a very sensitive issue. She works and you work. Establish very early how the both of you are going to spend your money. How much to save? Who will have the final say as such. Bear in mind, that in Islam, a working wife’s salary is hers to keep. You should not be using that money for the family unless she’s willingly give you the money.

4) Bad day. Sometimes bad days happen. The two of you may argue on a matter. Establish how both of you are going to end the argument. Personally I’m practising the rule that neither of us (me and the mrs) should go to bed angry. We settle any argument or hurt feeling beforehand. Alhamdulillah, so far it’s working quite well

5) Alone Time. Both of you must understand this very clearly. yes, you two now a partner in life, and must share everything. But, there will be time when all we need is some alone time. A time for us to do what we want. I am thankful that the mrs (my mrs of course) is very understanding of my blogging activity. She would give me some alone time for this. Just remember, alone time doesn’t mean that you dislike the company. You just need some time just for you.

– I wonder –
what else do you guys think, of things we should be established before hand?

———— Personal Note —————
At the moment I’m posting this articles, I am probably already on the highway half way back. Tomorrow it will be busy busy day, cleaning up the house, putting up some decoration.

Will definitely post up pictures later.. :)

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