This post was contributed by Ms Azuwachan in respond to my invitation. She is an IIUM student by day and a talented musician by day n night. For more details on her, please visit her blog Don’t mind the elephant.. it’s very lovable

Summary – My First Guest Post – 5 Reasons Why Being Quiet Is Better

After I commented on the article 5 Top Ways To Generate Ideas, I kept thinking of the reason I remain a quiet girl. This is what I can come up so far..

• I think to talk a lot needs a lot of energy. I always see my father nagging, and usually he will get tired because of his diabetes (Diabetes patients always get tired because of lack of sugar in blood, right?) I thankfully have no diabetes, but still I think shut up is better than wasting your energy talking, huhu~

• Sometimes people don’t really know what they are talking about. until they start talking bad thing about themselves or others. Believe me, girls do this often (not sure about men). Often what are they saying about others are actually about them as well, and that’s bad, right? Like, ‘membuka pekung di dada‘, even though it isn’t that bad, but still, it’s better to shut up.

• It’s actually your defense mechanism. To silent yourself is to make yourself calm, to meditate yourself, to heal your inner self. That’s why it is encouraged to keep quiet when you’re irritated, or mad with someone; one way that I always use when I got mad with someone.

• It shows that you’re mature, rational person who does not follow your emotion,but you follow your brain. Some smart students may be talkative, because they have a lot of creative things to say, but still if one smart student keeps his tongue from worthless words, people will usually still respect him, right? Even a stupid person will be seen as smart when they don’t talk too much, hehe…

• Lastly, it is clearly stated in one hadith that it’s better to say few words that are necessary only than to talk a lot of words of junk. Hadith successors were not allowed to talk much about a hadith; they only open up when being asked by someone to prevent from getting confused (because they rely much on their memory to remember hadith of Prophet s.a.w).

See, that’s why I’m the most quiet person in my room. I don’t talk much about myself, even to my friends. We only talk about matters that are necessary. But I do laugh out loud, y’know, heheh…

But it’s not wrong to be talkative. However, think before you say, that’s the most important. “Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata, lebam dekat mata” heheh..

Anyway, I would like to see some ideas from everyone here. Some contra statements are also welcomed, hehe…

————— Banji’s Personal Note ————–
So guys.. do you agree with Ms Azuwachan or you strongly believe the other way around? One thing that I am not so sure is about the hadith succesors, and that they are not allowed to talk much about a hadith. Maybe those who know for sure about it can verify it?

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Summary – Please do the test but keep the result to yourself

I actually prefer not to do a relationship topic two days in a row, but this is an important topic very related to the entry of freedom yesterday.

Quoting it – “…But please… never tell your spouse you are doing experiment. Anyone.. and I mean anyone doesn’t like being toyed with. Be very careful…”

It is very common actually for people involving in a relationship to test each other. Some go to great distance like this person Siti (not her real name). Siti want to test her boyfriend whether or not he is faithful to her. She asked a friend of hers to mistakenly call her boyfriend and chat away. She wants to know whether or not the boyfriend will flirt with her friends.

What do I think of such behaviour? Brilliant… In my opinion, girls need to be more careful with the candidate of her future husband. She must know as much information as possible on his behaviour or attitude before she surrendered her heart for this guy. it is sad but true, that there are a lot of bad people out there, and we should try to filter them out by any means necessary

BUT (yes, there is a but)

please… do not do the test, and then brag to your boyfriend that he had been tested and he failed/succeed. Seriously… there is no good can come up from that revelation.

• The guy will feel like he’s being played and assumed stupid

• The guy will feel like the girl never trusted him

• The guy will never trust the girl ever

• The guy will get revenge and tested the girl.. it will all be a vicious circle

My point is this… For girl – please test your spouse, you should be sure of everything before making that leap of faith. But please don’t tell him you tested him, keep the information to yourself. If he failed, find another reason why you should not be with him. If he succeed, reward him handsomely :p

What do you guys think? 

—————- Personal Note ————-
I really think the mrs had tested me a couple of time during our get-to-know-each-other phase. But alhamdulillah, nothing is revealed to me, and the fact that we end up married must mean that I succeeded heheh

A little secret for all the woman out there, guys also tested the girls, but usually it doesn’t involve a third party. hm the type of test done.. that would make a great entry to this blog, don’t you think?

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Summary - Freedom in a relationship

Quote of the day – Man want the same thing from his spouse with what he wants from an underwear, support and some freedom

I laugh out loud when I first read the quote eheh. but I believe the quote doesn’t only apply to man, but to women as well? Surely women also want the support plus the freedom.

As funny as that quote is, I think it is very true. When we are involved with someone, there will always be time when we ask how much is too much. Should I show her more love, or should I back away and leave some space for her. This is very critical because if you back away too much, she may felt abandoned. But if you give it all, she may felt chained etc.

Well the thing is, this question is almost a mandatory question you need to figure out when you are in a relationship, and unfortunately there is no specific rules. I hope this guideline will be beneficial though

1) Everyone need an alone time
This is the most important thing of all. Everyone need some alone time, a time when he can do whatever he wants. So give your spouse a break once in a while. For example, if your girlfriend wants to go out with her friends, let her.. Don’t join in, let her be with her girl friends. The same goes to the guys.. sometimes he may want to play networked games with his friends.. let him enjoy it. Boys will be boys.

2) Be sensitive to body language
Ahh! the mysterious art of body language. Believe me.. they are not that easy to master. But anyone involving in a relationship must learn this. The problem is.. not all body language is the same for everyone. That’s why you will have to experiment. For example, try to stop giving attention to him, then see how he reacted. If still no effect, back away some more until you can clearly see him giving sign that he need to be cared for. Remember that sign or that tone. But please… never tell your spouse you are doing experiment. Anyone.. and I mean anyone doesn’t like being toyed with. Be very careful. Later you should try showered him with affection. And then see how much he can stand.

Some men doesn’t like being asked where he is, what’s he’s doing every 1 hour. For the woman, she may just want to show that she care but for the man it is very suffocating. This is the most difficult thing to learn, the art of knowing when is it enough.

Seriously speaking.. understanding your spouse is never easy. Each of you must verify this first before you start. They will be time when you will cross the line, or doesn’t even see the line. So before anything, discuss first, establish that mistake will happen and hopefully when it does, both of you will be very forgiving and educating

So the next time you wear your underwear, remember this..

————- Personal Note —————-
I’m very interested in learning some sign language. Have you ever been on a bus, and you are looking at your family waving bye to you, and while waiting for the bus to depart, you will start doing all kind of hand signal. Usually it will end up with a seemingly a conversation without any message being delivered hehe. And I once saw people who know sign language simply talking away by their sign language.

Now.. I wonder where can I learn this language

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Summary – Requested post on how to know he’s the one?

Do you have some free time? Maybe we can help a good friend of mine Ms Azuwachan with her question.

Problem – She is currently in doubt with her feeling. She is not sure whether or not she is in love with this person or not. so she asked “How to make sure that you REALLY like someone” and how should she best handle the situation.

Pondering about this does bring up lots of memories hehe. This is what I think about it.

1) You are on the right track
Love really is the most mysterious thing in the world. People have been discussing on what love really is since the beginning of time itself. So don’t be surprised if you are confused. Everybody knows that love exist, but nobody can really put a definition on love.

Being confused on your feeling is actually a good thing. With other friends, you either like or dislike, period. Bestfriends maybe you like more. But to this person, it will be very confusing. He makes you feel so comfortable like a friend, but most of the time, he makes you feel special. And when he did something bad, the hate and sadness can sometimes be very overwhelming. Seriously that is one of the key indication that you are in love with the guy. But of course there is other factor involved.

2) Eliminate what he’s not
There are some things in a relationship that may have the same effect as love. They are not love per se, but they can be mistakenly felt like love. So let’s try to eliminate them

• Is he just a crush?

Crush is actually the same as instant love. You see him, and you felt in love completely… Now how to know whether it is a crush or not? Just check if you know anything about the guy. Crush almost always happen without you having the slightest information on the guy. For example, a crush with the new boy in school.

• Is it due to gratitude?

Sometimes, people go to great deals to help you, with no expectation to get rewarded. You can sometimes feel like owing so much from him that you may feel like liking him more. That’s not love, that’s just your subconcious mind trying to reduce the feeling of gratitude. So check yourself, you will know the answer once you know the question.. (wow very abstract of me)

• Is it due to him being famous? (Edited)

Some people is just so good with people, and they instantly can attract others to like them with their sense of humor, or their knowledge. Usually they are quite famous with people around then. We may like them so much (because they are simply very likeable) that we confused the feeling with love.

There are other factors but I think these three are the most important ones. Usually when we’ve already eliminate these factors, it will be clear that you love him for no apparent reason. Usually that is love

3) Love is no point 1, point 2 and point 3

All said, love is never a matter we can explain. You love someone, you just know it. You define yourself what is love to you and you honor it. Up until now, I can never describe what I love about my wife. Maybe I can describe them, but believe me the list will be a never ending ones, because I love everything about her, the good and bad and how they complete me.

So answering your question simply, I think if he is special enough that you overcame your shyness and asked in your blog, he is REALLY that special. Give him a chance, but be wise….

————–Personal Note————-
I’m sure all friends have more interesting ideas on the big question. Do share..For me, it is always better to give a chance to 10 wrong people, than to miss that one who is the one. – My quote eheh

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