A friend had written in her blog asking advice on how to move on after a break up with her ex-boyfriend. Many had advised her to start a new hobby, do things to distract her from thinking about him etc. In the end, she said that all those ideas have not worked and only making it worse.
In my opinion, she had approached the problem wrongly. In case you’re reading this. These are the most important steps you must do first.
1) Ask youself – Do you really want to move on?
- The problem with people nowadays is we don’t really know what we want. We said we want to forget the ex-boyfriend and move on but the truth is we are the happiest when thinking about him. So ask yourself, do you really want to move on or not? Establish this first or any attempt to forget him will be useless
2) In order to forget, stop trying to forget
- This is also where people usually go wrong. We cannot force our mind to forget. It will only remember even clearer. Take sleeping for example, try forcing yourself to sleep. You will end up stay awake the entire night. So step no 2 is to stop trying to forget. Stop immediately!
- So what do you do now that you stop trying to forget. You learn from the experience. If your boyfriend is abusive, list down how to identify abusive people for your future reference. Learn everything you can from it and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) whenever his image come up to your mind, reanalyze your experience again. Do take note that this is a very difficult process. It is always much easier and happier to just day dreaming of him proposing to you but you should avoid this.
- Remember, whenever you start thinking about him, NO day dreaming and start listing down lessons. Your mind will slowly associates the memory with “listing down lesson” and hate it so much that it will automatically stop the memory from ever resurface again
Try that, and tell me in two weeks time Good luck!
————— Personal Note ————————–
I personally love to listen to people’s problem when they talk to me about it. I usually prefer not to offer any advice but just an ear. After people let out all their problem verbally, they will usually have a clearer picture of their problem and its solution.
I personally love to listen to people’s problem. It usually will enrich me with the experience without having to go through them.
p.s. – How about you guys? How do you move on after a break like that?