A friend had written in her blog asking advice on how to move on after a break up with her ex-boyfriend. Many had advised her to start a new hobby, do things to distract her from thinking about him etc. In the end, she said that all those ideas have not worked and only making it worse.
In my opinion, she had approached the problem wrongly. In case you’re reading this. These are the most important steps you must do first.
1) Ask youself - Do you really want to move on?
- The problem with people nowadays is we don’t really know what we want. We said we want to forget the ex-boyfriend and move on but the truth is we are the happiest when thinking about him. So ask yourself, do you really want to move on or not? Establish this first or any attempt to forget him will be useless
2) In order to forget, stop trying to forget
- This is also where people usually go wrong. We cannot force our mind to forget. It will only remember even clearer. Take sleeping for example, try forcing yourself to sleep. You will end up stay awake the entire night. So step no 2 is to stop trying to forget. Stop immediately!
- So what do you do now that you stop trying to forget. You learn from the experience. If your boyfriend is abusive, list down how to identify abusive people for your future reference. Learn everything you can from it and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) whenever his image come up to your mind, reanalyze your experience again. Do take note that this is a very difficult process. It is always much easier and happier to just day dreaming of him proposing to you but you should avoid this.
- Remember, whenever you start thinking about him, NO day dreaming and start listing down lessons. Your mind will slowly associates the memory with “listing down lesson” and hate it so much that it will automatically stop the memory from ever resurface again
Try that, and tell me in two weeks time 
Good luck!
————— Personal Note ————————–
I personally love to listen to people’s problem when they talk to me about it. I usually prefer not to offer any advice but just an ear. After people let out all their problem verbally, they will usually have a clearer picture of their problem and its solution.
I personally love to listen to people’s problem. It usually will enrich me with the experience without having to go through them.
p.s. - How about you guys? How do you move on after a break like that?
Related Post
When a relationship ends, the emotional aftershock can be hard to deal with…but it doesn’t have to be hell!!
It can be difficult to stop thinking about your ex-partner, and the feelings of sadness and loss.This is of course natural for a time….but if you feel it has gone on for long enough, Getting over a relationship can help you calm those feelings down.
I do agree with listings on negative point of the ex,or as soon as his memory haunted take a pen and let go the feelings on the paper, scribble or scratch the negativity and let go the frustration…in time it will helps the process of letting go of your x from the system.
Soon after that the process of moving on started and be more positive about the future and the possibility of other relationships–>time frame depends on individual!!..:p
Same here. I don’t prefer offering advices. I just listen xP Really suck at counseling haha…
noushy - very true indeed, time usually the best medicine, simply because we grow with time, and as we grow, we will usually see things differently. however i think we can include the + side of the x also in the paper, we just want to train to hate the listing process and not the x
koromyst - listening is always the better choice, unless we are very sure with the advice, nanti jadi sesat dan menyesatkan eheh
kalau pompuan, mmg susah nak lupakan ex-bf. kawan2 saye sumer camtu.
I think why it is hard to forget is they themselves do not want to forget. so that’s why la kot.
sbb dah biasa mendapat so-called ‘kebahagiaan cinta’ dr some1 tu, so it’s just so hard to let go.
too bad huh?? x(
yeah, to me, thinkin of the awful thing HE did really helps A LOT. It takes time but you’ll finally get over it…there’s a saying goes “you are hurt only if you let urself to be hurt”. I think it’s true…it has something to do with your state of mind… Nevertheless maybe some couldnt let it go merely because their ex was not that ‘evil’ enuf to be angry with… hehe… dat was just an opinion based on observation.
So, most are saying that girls are the ones hard to forget their ex-es? O_o
That’s tough indeed. I’d say, ditch the lovey dovey dramas on air, throw away the romantic novels you guys own, wrap away the stuffs your ex (or ex-es lol xD) gave you.
READ MANGA. WATCH ANIME. PLAY PS2.
Wahahaha… xDDD Yesh. I do suck at counseling people *covers head with paperbag*
azuwachan - thanks for the testimonial. like i said, we really don’t know what we want, maybe also we are often told that to move on, we need to forget the past. This is not correct. Where would we be now if not for the past. learn from them… not forget them. kan kan
alfattah - the saying you mentioned, I first heard in the movie “Princess Diary”. hehe ya i watched that movie. hm but sometimes, people break up not because the spouse is evil or bad, usually, there’s no spark or just plain no chemistry. What do you think?
koromyst - heheh those were great ways to hide the feeling. The fact is the feeling is always there. But it’s true… that sometime those romantic novel can bring more damage to the already broken heart cewah
a lot of anime also come with very romantic theme.
p.s. Appreciate all comments… Let it all out here
ahaksss… nice entry. (u made me cry la bro! haha!)
ok, at 1st it’s hard to forget, trust me.. i really dont want to move on, coz it’s still haunting me.. so i juz let it flow..
2nd, i list down whatever we gone tru before meaning the pros & cons.. i did.. i managed to list down all of it.
3rd, never ever mix up wif ur prsonal & ur job. i go to gym, i hang out most of the time, i crap, i joke, i laugh, i cried.. but i dun do stupid thing like drink or smoke.
Lastly, i got nothing to loose! Until now we still keep in touch, we buzz, we sms, we go for movie.. we learn from experienced.. there you go, if dah jodoh insyallah tak kemana
“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” Rose Kennedy.
simple:cari jer yg baru h ahahahha
Yeah… when there’s no spark or no chemistry, then it’s easier to forget and move on right..hhihi…
yanz - erk.. believe me, that was not my intention. I’m sorry if i brought up forgotten memory. However i’m happy that you managed to overcome it all with such maturity. Now that’s cool.
filantera - nice quote you have there. There’s some truth to it. even though it’s always harder to find a new one, as comparison almost always will occur
alfattah -
no spark and chemistry are supposed to be forgotten
x pernah rase macam mana putus cinta tu.. tapi rasanya mesti sangat perit… macam kehilangan org yg kita sayang..
lover - hm lain org lain rasanya, ada yg rasa relief sbb akhirya selesai jugak, tp mcm lover ckp la, banyak yg rasa perit sgt.
sekali dua ok la, kalau 10 20 kali putus tuh… berpinau mata
huhuhu.. this is good one..
how to forget n move on?? hmm.. it’s up to the person.. they choose n decide.. simple..
as for me yang putus tunang last few months.. yeah.. it’s not easy.. kenal 8 years.. tunang 4 years.. ahakz.. it’s hard bro.. it’s hard.. it was not easy for me.. to forget memang susah.. but i always remind myself.. i have to move on..
i smiled n laughed i enjoyed every seconds in a day.. at times i do forced myself to forget about him.. but hey.. it works.. i think i know why.. coz i choose to move on.. rather then sit back n cry.. untuk i lar.. for other ppl i don’t know.. alhamdulillah.. i managed to go thru it..
p/s: believe it i didnt cry at all..
zai - respek ketabahan zai kat situ, mcm zai cakap, it work because u choose to move on, ramai yg x sedar hal ni cuba lupakan tp makin teringat.. penat emotional trap ni
dunno why today i step on your blog banji, then hahah, there is article about my today entry on my blog, break up.
Baru terjadi harini, so masih berfikir how to handle this thing. The problem is, he not have much negative side, and we break up in really a smooth way. Just stop sms dan sendiri saling tahu apa yang dah terjadi.
but thanks for this entry, banji. Now i know i am not alone.
amirahsyuhada - u are never alone. ramai org yg rasa sunyi sgt bile break, normal lah tu… yg penting kita kena pandai cari
ngadu pada yg dengar,
nangis pada yg hulurkan bahu
things will get better insyaAllah
memang sakit bila breakup.
time heals what reason cannot.
qemmal - how much time is totally a different matter right?
different scenario different approch in moving on, its so easy to do all the advices and all the tips that you’ll be getting from readin books and surfing the web, but at the end of the day its still you who has the power to find ways in moving on.. life so complicated
gio briones - I agree that life is complicated. But I also believe the only way we can understand life is to simplify it.
Imagine if we surrender ourselves to the belief that life is so complicated that it can never be understood. we will have no idea on how to live it then..