love

Summary – Differentiating two guys, a friend and one that has feeling for you

Ms Diha has asked me a question in the comment section of MBBDDH Attitude. First of all, thank you for the question, I will try to explain my opinion on the matter. To all fellow friends reading, feel free to add in to the answer. Together we can chip in all our experience to help each other.

For those who are interested, there is also an article I wrote on How To Know Whether He / She Is The One. Enjoy.

The question – “(Translated to English) How am I supposed to know that a guy likes me? He and I have been friends since primary school, and we became closer these few months. He seems to care so much about me and always offer to send me back to Shah Alam. Once he took a vacation oversea and he SMS’ed me almost everyday, updating his whereabout. He just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he said that he has given up on her.

So how do I know whether he really likes me, or I’m just a rebound?”

/end question

A disclaimer (as advised by my lawyer) – Everyone is different, and the method described here may / may not work for you. But I still can guarantee you that it will work for about 80% of the population of the world :)

That said, here what you should do

Step 1 – Sense the vibe
I’m sure you have pass this step, since you already has a hunch that he is attracted to you. This first step is important. Simply because the heart will be the first to detect if someone else is attracted to you. However, it may not be accurate if you yourself are attracted to him. You will then see everything he does as a sign of his affection for you. Differentiate this first, whether or not the vibe is from you or from him. And then move on to step 2

Step 2 – Ask yourself : Are you attracted to him?
It doesn’t matter if the world’s most eligible bachelor fall for you if you just didn’t have any feeling for the guy. So confirm this first. In your case, I can see that you are attracted to him. So you can just move on to step 3.

Step 3 – Is he worth it?
It’s confirmed. You can sense the vibe from him. He definitely have feeling for you. And so are you. Next you need to determine whether he is ok. You don’t want to be involved with someone who robs bank don’t you?

I admit the 3 steps will not help you to know his true feeling, but still the 3 steps are important to know what exactly you want and whether or not that thing you want is exactly what you need. Moving on..

Step 4 – Watch and jot down the signal
When I say watch for signal, I really mean it. Take a piece of paper, and write it down. If he smile or make effort to “accidentally” bump into you on his way to class, jot that down. I will describe why later.

Some other examples of signals a guy may do

  • Going all out for you – When you ask for a call at 11.34am, he actually ask what time is it now according to your watch. And when you are sick, he may buy some hot chicken soup for you. You know what to do right? Pretend that you’re sick and let him know.
  • Selfless act – Ask him for help in something he will not gain anything. Maybe pick up a friend at the bus station for you since you are sick :)
  • Make effort to know you – A real love for a guy is when he actually make the effort to know you. He will notice what you like to eat, and what you don’t. He will take note that you are a flower-lover type or not (He may be planning to buy you flowers later on)

So did you write everything he does down? Let’s go to step 5

Step 5 – Analyze and return EXACTLY how much he gave you.
This is very important. Some guys go all out just for a friend. Some will only do that for girls he like. So how to differentiate this?

Easy, if a guy give you a present for birthday, return the favor by giving him a present during his birthday. and most importantly is to NEVER overdo it. If he send you an MMS, you reply back by sending him an MMS. If he introduce you to his friend, you do the same. EXACTLY the same.

Why the words “exactly”? Because a guy who has feeling for you will take this as a hint and will go all out even more. He will always want to show that he loves you even more. If you give him a present during his birthday, he may start giving present during Valentine, or just “because he thinks of you” :)

You will be able to see how exactly he is trying if you wrote down what he did the first time (Step 4). At one time, his action will just give him away and you can see clearly how much he likes you.

Step 6 – Be flexible
When involving human emotion, nothing is black and white. All the advice above may be spot on and solve your problem entirely. Or they can just solve nothing. So be flexible. Remember, a guy who is attracted to a girl will try in every possible way to show her how he feels. Your mission is to give him a push until his action give his secret away.

- I wonder -
Based on your experience, how do you know if someone has feeling for you?

———- Personal Note ————
Appreciate the question Diha, hope this helps. For everyone else, feel free to shoot me an email or ask questions here. I will try my best to answer them :)

Photo Credit – LinhNgan

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This post has 30 comments.


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  1. 29 Jul 08 6:08 pm

    Nicely written. :)
    But, I’d prefer going by intuition.
    P/s:
    A persistent person believes in destiny, a capricious one in chance.

  2. 29 Jul 08 7:40 pm

    salam banji.. hehe. merci so much for posting this entry. it helps. =)
    when i told bout this to my girl friend (asking for opinions) and i also told to one of my closest guy friend, both said that it is so obvious that this guy likes me. the way he’s trying to find a way to go out with me, how hes updating himself everyday while he’s in overseas and so forth. sungguh ketara. only me denying it or in other words buat2 tak faham care die. hehe. (takot ter lebih “falling” pulak. hehe. sbb masih tidak sure.). dulu we used to borak2 with each other using “kau aku” and now everythings changed. more sopan la i would say. hehe. he’s a good guy. alhamdulillah. and he understands that i dont want any relationship. not until after i finish my studies. so mungkin dgn care die yg die buat utk sy tuh sbg hint. tapi tak pe lah. tunggu dan lihat. it hes meant for me then mmg syukur alhamdulillah.
    thank you once again banji.. =)

  3. 29 Jul 08 11:26 pm

    lol yeah you’ll just know. the guy will behave much sweeter when talking to you most of the time ;)

  4. banji
    30 Jul 08 12:25 am

    Roshann – I too believe that intuition is one of the most important detector, thus step 1 :)

    Diha – Jangan sekadar tunggu dan lihat jugak, kalau diha betul2 sukakan dia, why not give him some hint that you do. Kadang2 lelaki ni lebih lambat nak tangkap hint2 ni :)

    Anyway, all the best kay, and do inform me if there’s anything I can do

    Phing – Yes, we do that :) I mean talking sweeter. I’m sure the reason is to give out hint that she’s more special than any other person in the room.

  5. 30 Jul 08 8:20 am

    hehehe.. sy pon tak reti nk bg hint.. ;p
    ok insyaAllah.. :)

  6. 30 Jul 08 10:58 am

    Thanks for this post – adds to my knowledge for sure.
    Am linking you :)

  7. 30 Jul 08 3:03 pm

    I still remember, a guy working at Shakey’s pizza, from the very first time I saw him, I can tell he’s kinda ‘attracted’ to me. the way he looked at me, sometimes when I passed by the restaurant I can feel his eyes looking at me, but my alter ego didn’t really let myself to give positive respond to him, until he left. We never talked- only once when I ordered a pizza from the restaurant, and I enjoyed torturing him-well, he sounded nervous, I tell ya!!), but until now I can still remember his face, hehe.. mostly because he’s the only guy that I think had feelings on me, who knows, ya?
    Well, if you have the guts to tell that someone you love him/her, go and do it. that’s the only way to know the answer whether he/she also likes you or not :)

  8. banji
    30 Jul 08 7:07 pm

    Diha – hint tu tak susah, just by a smile or a simple hi will work :)

    JustJasmine – thank you for reading :) Feel free to add in anything here

    Azuwachan – Interesting story. Somehow I kept imagining how you were torturing him, and he must be so nervous at the time hehe.

    That’s the best way to know whether or not a person like you. Plain go ask him/her. But, personally I prefer the old flirt here and there method. More interesting with all the blood pumping to your face :)

  9. 31 Jul 08 1:47 pm

    yeah, I also prefer the traditional way, but I would suggest that for those who are as patient as me, ahaks!!
    becoz some keep on asking themselves ‘does s/he loves me??’, bla bla bla..
    I mean, if you really2 want to know, go and ask him/her la. not other people. heheh :)

  10. banji
    01 Aug 08 12:08 am

    Azuwachan – Telling people that you love him/her is always difficult. I once thought that it is a culture thing here in Malaysia, but I found that the same problem is occuring elsewhere in the world.

    I guess it’s the fear of rejection.

  11. 01 Aug 08 2:39 am

    Banji,

    I agree with Roshann that intuition is the most powerful way to know if it is a real attraction.

    I have heard that men have a better intuition in these things. They say that men can more easily tell if a woman is attracted to them. I think I might agree with that also. I can tell right away if a woman is attracted to me. It is an easy and pleasurable feeling that is more often than not mutual. I believe in “chemistry;” that certain people are built to be attracted to each other.

    I like all of your advice. The advice to ensure that this person is a good person (step 3) is very important. We must not enter relationships on emotion or sexual attraction only.

    For me though, your step 1 is where I think I would spend most of my time.

    Thank you for this article. Many people will be helped by it.

    John

  12. 01 Aug 08 9:04 am

    banji, thats the words.. “fear of rejection”.. itu yg sering ditakuti.. =)

  13. 02 Aug 08 12:33 pm

    as for me, uncle..
    skang ni sy serahkan pada ALLAH utk jaga kan dia utk sy.. :)

    if he’s for me, then he is.
    if he’s not, then he’s not.

    doa je la.. ^_^

  14. banji
    02 Aug 08 4:19 pm

    John Rocheleau – And here we are often told that woman have the better intuition when it comes to feeling :)

    This just prove one thing, that actually both man and woman have good intuition. It’s just defined differently culturally

    For the record, I too believe in chemistry of people. In fact the mrs is a living example of my love at first sight. But that’s another story

    Thank you for the stumble John. Appreciate it

    Diha – True.. but then again, if we never even try, they will never be any acceptance or rejection. It will then depend on whether or not the acceptance is worth the possibility of rejection.

    Do tell us how it goes kay

    Fairuzniza – itu yg terbaik.. Hati manusia, serahkan pada yang lebih memahami :) Tapi ada ustaz yg mention, usaha dgn doa kena selari.

    I wish you all the best my virtual niece

  15. deTarabas
    07 Oct 08 12:59 am

    Nice tips…and I like the way you response to these comments. keep up the good work, bro.

  16. 07 Oct 08 12:16 pm

    deTarabas – Thank you for the support deTarabas. I really appreciate it.

  17. anie
    26 Oct 08 12:00 am

    i think i ‘d like this article.I will do try it

  18. 26 Oct 08 12:39 pm

    Anie – Tell us how it goes kay :)

  19. ummu alif
    02 Apr 09 4:56 pm

    Banji,

    Why you didnt gave me this article 15 years ago?
    Life is more beautiful without ‘that’ memory……

  20. banji
    02 Apr 09 7:22 pm

    Ummu Alif – All the mistakes we did, the bad experience we survived are actually a blessing. Personally, they will always be the beauty part of our life. We made mistakes, we cry, we survive, we become stronger and wiser.

    I’m sure in a way, you have never regretted having “that” memory, right?

  21. ummu alif
    05 Apr 09 12:22 pm

    No regret at all….
    Just some kind of stupid feeling……hehe

  22. joshie
    05 Sep 10 10:12 am

    Mostly if i like a guy/girl i would be a little shy but i would always tell them he/she is cute or if they are not busy and i would ask to talk to them!
    But mostly i would always give a 100% to a guy if i like him/her or not!

  23. 17 Sep 10 11:23 pm

    Joshie – Giving a 100% hint to a guy is really risky. Guys can be very shy too sometimes. And they most often are just clueless when interpreting hints so be careful not to startle them with your hints :)

  24. kelsey powell
    22 Dec 10 4:34 am

    I DONT THINK THIS WILL REALLY WORK CUZ U MAY NEVER KNOW IF HE LIKES YOU OR NOT BECUZ U COULD OF DATED HIS BFF AND THEY MEY NOT LIKE YOU TO KNOW

  25. [...] 6 Steps To Know Is He/She Attracted To You Beautifully, Credit, email, friends and family, Imperfect, irregardless, movie, robin williams, safety valve, today [...]

  26. 28 Mar 11 9:16 pm

    am confused about boys,they shows a huge crush and it vanishes slowly
    A GUY WHO SHOWED INTEREST FROM HIS PART ,and he detected my interest in him,yet he not moving forward,hes the one who SHOWED that much interest then why hes not taking the next step,hes christian (a very orthox family(yet he showed the interest first)) am a hindu girl IS IT WILL BE REASON,or he was just acting upon a emotions

  27. 19 Aug 11 2:31 pm

    First of all, nicely written. I agree with most of what you wrote in this article.
    And the way i answer the question Is she attracted to me is by reading her body language. If she is interested there will be signs. She will not verbalize it in most cases but the way she acts will tell me if she is attracted to me or not.

  28. Thando
    12 Jun 12 9:00 am

    Yow guys I’m so in love, I’m even going crazy! I can see we both attracted to one another but its hard to tell! You can see by da way he do things that his in love! He waits for me to write something as my BBM status “love related” then ask me, “who is it dedicated to”, wen eva I mention dat I love someone he asks who? Plz help guys, how do I let him know?

  29. Emily
    28 Aug 12 4:13 pm

    Hey guys, i was just looking for a bit of quick advise.
    Theres an amazingly cute and shy guy who has recently started catching my bus. I know he’s more than just a cute face because he’s a gentleman to, he always stands up and lets me get on/off the bus before him. I catch him constantly staring at me and wherever i sit on the bus he sits as close to me as he can. Just last weekend on saturday i was going to a party and he got on, i was all dressed up and he was one seat infront of me on an almost empty bus and still let me pass him first, then on sunday i saw him on the bus when i was coming home from the gym, i sat at the very back seat and he sat two seats infront of me! I really like this guy he seems so different. I just wanna know how can i get him to wanna talk to me, i give him little smiles but all he does is stare even when i look back at him we kind of hold a gaze he keeps on looking, please tell me 2 things:

    1. is he staring because im so fascinatingly ugly, is he showing signs of attraction, or is there something special about me that he feels is different eg. whenever i see him instead of crazy butterflies i feel so safe and warm, it feels like home when he’s around, maybe theres a connection between us like soulmates??

    2. if anything of the above except for the first theory is true, what can i do to get us talking, i would really like to get to know him he just gives off a different sort of vibe, other than the usual crush. Please please give your best advice this means so so much to me, if you could be so kind as to help me i could in return tell my friends about this site and get you more popular.

    Please.

  30. 28 Aug 12 4:29 pm

    Emily – first of all, it is definitely clear that you really like this guy. You actually take note of his routine and from the look of it, I sincerely believe the feeling is mutual. He likes you too.

    My advice to you is simple. We can’t be really sure of his feeling to you even though it’s kinda obvious, but we are very sure of one thing – your feeling towards him. Why not just make the first move.

    Just sit at the very back seat of the bus one day, and when he get on the bus, just smile at him and see for any reaction. Don’t expect a big grin. Any small hint will do. If there is one, just go sit besides him and start talking.

    See then how it goes. Good luck!

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