Summary – Another attempt to change our mindset and argue effectively

Presented are two sketch of how people argue. A husband, Habi and his wife, Waifi are arguing on who will take their son, Sani to the dentist.

Scenario 1

Habi – Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi – Why are you looking at me?
Habi – I’m just trying to discuss this, who will bring Sani to the dentist tomorrow (with a raised voice)
Waifi – why don’t you just volunteer doing it. Be a gentleman la
Habi – So when it comes to this, it must be always me. You were sometime so selfish you know (hoping his wife dont hear that)
Waifi – I heard that, you called me selfish? how dare you. It’s not that I didn’t do anything for him. And when it comes to this you didn’t even offer to take him.
Habi – And you think I am just a “tunggul”? didn’t do anything for Sani? Well whatever.
Waifi – Whatever
Habi – Fine!!
Waifi – Fine!!

Scenario 2

Habi – Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi – (sigh) Do we really need to?
Habi – Hm I guess.. So how?
Waifi – Ok let’s focus here. Are you busy tomorrow?
Habi – Apparently yes, I have a meeting with my boss regarding the estimate preparation for next year. You?
Waifi – Same here, there’s a work I’m way behind schedule and I need to finish it ASAP. So maybe the day after?
Habi – hm I’ll try to change the appointment. How about weekend? both of us can go. And you can be the calming mother while I laugh at his pain Muahahaha
Waifi – You are evil… Weekend’s good for me,
Habi – Now where were we? hehe

/end scenario

Believe it or not, almost all argument happened in our life fall under scenario 1. This is another mindset we need to change.

When arguing/discussing, don’t attack the person, but attack the topic argued/discussed.

Old news? hehe yes you might think so, but please see for yourself, when there’s an argument or discussion. You can see clearly that when A is presenting an idea, and B is calling it rubbish, and A who knows that B might be right, will DEFENSIVELY react. He will take that critics personally even though B meant it for the benefit of all.

However, it is almost always B is the one who first attack A personally so ifΒ :

  • you are A – take a deep breath, see if there is any truth in B’s critics, acknowledge it and take what you can use
  • you are B – Good manner while giving negative comments is always appreciated, make it constructive and unless you have better idea to offer, it is always better to remain silent

————— Personal Note ————————–
Even though I know all this, there will always a stir in the my feeling when somebody attack me personally. A few months back, I was in the meeting and I came up with some ideas to basically improve the efficiency of the mill. The “a bit more senior” colleague of mine then said that I’m still new to the mill (I was just transfered here 1 year ++ ago) and that he knew best. (Sigh) The fact that I’m still new is irrelevant as long as the ideas are concerned. I however proceed with my renovation and Alhamdulillah, I had reduced the stone content of kernel produced by about 1.5% which is a lot. Yey!

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This post has 14 comments.

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  1. Noushy Syah
    16 Jul 07 11:41 pm

    hahhaha gotcha on the spot!

    Direct to the point.Remember when someone say “BIDAS” in my comment? That’s the reality Banji.
    You have the right to voice your opinion, no need to bidas me..

    As you said, it triggered me too..honestly..

  2. banji
    17 Jul 07 1:04 am

    πŸ™‚ thats why, this blog is meant for us to share experience n maybe knowledge, it is almost certain there will be somebody who oppose the idea. im hoping both A and B will do it in the best manner πŸ™‚

  3. filantera
    17 Jul 07 1:14 am

    wah increase productivity?gud gud

    somehow sometime, when we are argue, sometime kita rasa best hehehe …suka argue, at first just melawak lah. then jadi gaduh

    as old people say
    gurau is bunga gaduh…….

    used to gaduh gaduh with my rose about “pintu pagar hospital”

    rose: eh pagar hospital ada laa hari ni
    me:bukan tiap2 hari ada ker?
    rose: i mean, pintu tu ditutup hari ni, kan hosp dah pindah
    me: well u mention kata pagar hospital ada, mmg laa ada tiap2 hari
    rose: no i mean, for all this time, pintu tu terselinding kan, ingatkan takde…
    me: takkan nak wat pagar takde pintu :LOL:
    rose: hey i live here longer than u…..

    and it continue sampai i dgr mak dia cakap, “benda camni pun nak ajak gaduh ker?”

    jom gaduh jom!!

  4. banji
    17 Jul 07 2:22 am

    how sweet eheh, tu gaduh2 dgn spouse tu, irritating her to show her ur love, tapi mmg ada kan org yg mmg suka kacau org lain, tambah pulak org tu cepat melenting πŸ™‚

  5. zai
    17 Jul 07 9:03 am

    hahahaha tak leh ingat the bidas thingy.. huahuahua..

    ermm banji tu bukan gamba dari citer LOST ke πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰ hehehe

  6. banji
    17 Jul 07 9:51 am

    mmg dari lost, wah zai peminat setia lah kita ye, walaupun cite tu mcm makin lost

    pasal bidas tu, simple misunderstandin only, at least now noushy n zai know each other πŸ™‚ jom teh tarik, saya belanja

  7. pocket
    17 Jul 07 1:41 pm

    fauzi :
    tak leh wat gitu pocket…tak dapat titik tengah nyer tuu…
    tunggu la kejap … nak wat la ni…
    fauzi :
    iyah…dakara.. tak bettul tu… cuba la dengar orang nyer cakap kejap…

    pit pot pit pot…

    me :
    okeh… dapat dah 5.7 mm… cik fauzi pandai sangat buat la balik measurement ni n dapatkan balik 5.7 mm yg sy dpt nih… the seat is yours..
    fauzi :
    ahh… btul la cara ni .. mcm ni la yg sy duk kato td… aswan yg tak dengar…
    me :
    the seat is yours to prove your method is better…
    fauzi :
    loh … dah dapat measurement… nak kira skali lagi buat apo…?
    apo la pocket…

    contoh discussion yg tak berjaya…

  8. banji
    17 Jul 07 3:01 pm

    pocket – sentiasa ada org mcm tu, semua org lain salah, dia je yg betul. kalau betul dia kata method tu salah patutnya bile dpt jawapan dia akan reject and buat sendiri.

    bodoh sombong hehe

  9. noushy syah
    17 Jul 07 9:49 pm

    Yang membidas mmg lah gelak

    Yang kena bidas I dont think for a sec will gelak,

    …and that’s the reality…but it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t check it out what have been said.

    ..just next time do oppose in a best manner!

  10. banji
    18 Jul 07 1:52 am

    noushy – i think we already establish that it is all a simple misunderstanding, its very easy to misunderstand written words especially in the internet, all in all theres two lesson in the entry, one each for both commenting n receiving end.

    kosong kosong? πŸ™‚

  11. k o r o m y s t
    18 Jul 07 5:42 am

    Hmm even if we keep silent pun boleh dijadikan punca gaduh gak (=_=)

    Cat : I wish I could set sail somewhere in the vast ocean.
    Dog : …..
    Cat : Hey, are you deaf or what?
    Dog : …..
    Cat : Are you intentionally trying to get on my nerves?!
    Dog : …..
    Cat : Talk to me, you muted mongrel, you!
    Dog : …..
    Cat : That’s it!

    **** dog cat fight commenced ****

    After a deathly brawl…

    Cat : *pant pant* What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you give me any response to the topic I’ve just issued?
    Dog : …..
    Cat : Don’t start! Get those lips moving or else…!
    Dog : Fine. Let me tell you why. Because from the start, you just stated your wish to set sail, stoopeed cat! It wasn’t even a question or something that I should respond to. And even if I were to respond, I’d say you’re way silly because cats could never steer a ship!!
    Cat : …..
    Dog : …..

    Cat : Yea, it was better when you went silent in the first place.


  12. banji
    18 Jul 07 6:39 am

    hahaha coming fr u, everything was like watching anime in my head, good one bro, lesson learnt – know ur fren, some like the silent.. some may not

  13. zai
    19 Jul 07 3:04 am

    ermm banji.. apa yang kosongΒ²?? hahaha.. u suka yek lost.. memang la citer tu membuat kan kita LOST jugak.. kudos la kat depa.. sebab berjaga membuat kita LOST ngan depa.. πŸ˜€

    to noushy entah look.. i’m sorry if u terasa with whatever i said that day.. ermm the bidas thingy..


  14. banji
    19 Jul 07 4:15 am

    zai – kosong2 tu is for the both of u… πŸ™‚

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