Summary – Requested post on how to know he’s the one?

Do you have some free time? Maybe we can help a good friend of mine Ms Azuwachan with her question.

Problem – She is currently in doubt with her feeling. She is not sure whether or not she is in love with this person or not. so she asked “How to make sure that you REALLY like someone” and how should she best handle the situation.

Pondering about this does bring up lots of memories hehe. This is what I think about it.

1) You are on the right track
Love really is the most mysterious thing in the world. People have been discussing on what love really is since the beginning of time itself. So don’t be surprised if you are confused. Everybody knows that love exist, but nobody can really put a definition on love.

Being confused on your feeling is actually a good thing. With other friends, you either like or dislike, period. Bestfriends maybe you like more. But to this person, it will be very confusing. He makes you feel so comfortable like a friend, but most of the time, he makes you feel special. And when he did something bad, the hate and sadness can sometimes be very overwhelming. Seriously that is one of the key indication that you are in love with the guy. But of course there is other factor involved.

2) Eliminate what he’s not
There are some things in a relationship that may have the same effect as love. They are not love per se, but they can be mistakenly felt like love. So let’s try to eliminate them

  • Is he just a crush?

Crush is actually the same as instant love. You see him, and you felt in love completely… Now how to know whether it is a crush or not? Just check if you know anything about the guy. Crush almost always happen without you having the slightest information on the guy. For example, a crush with the new boy in school.

  • Is it due to gratitude?

Sometimes, people go to great deals to help you, with no expectation to get rewarded. You can sometimes feel like owing so much from him that you may feel like liking him more. That’s not love, that’s just your subconcious mind trying to reduce the feeling of gratitude. So check yourself, you will know the answer once you know the question.. (wow very abstract of me)

  • Is it due to him being famous? (Edited)

Some people is just so good with people, and they instantly can attract others to like them with their sense of humor, or their knowledge. Usually they are quite famous with people around then. We may like them so much (because they are simply very likeable) that we confused the feeling with love.

There are other factors but I think these three are the most important ones. Usually when we’ve already eliminate these factors, it will be clear that you love him for no apparent reason. Usually that is love :)

3) Love is no point 1, point 2 and point 3

All said, love is never a matter we can explain. You love someone, you just know it. You define yourself what is love to you and you honor it. Up until now, I can never describe what I love about my wife. Maybe I can describe them, but believe me the list will be a never ending ones, because I love everything about her, the good and bad and how they complete me.

So answering your question simply, I think if he is special enough that you overcame your shyness and asked in your blog, he is REALLY that special. Give him a chance, but be wise…. :)

————–Personal Note————-
I’m sure all friends have more interesting ideas on the big question. Do share..For me, it is always better to give a chance to 10 wrong people, than to miss that one who is the one. – My quote eheh

Thanx for those requesting my opinion on a topic, I can promise that every request will be entertained, if I have any opinion on the matter of course. So I welcome any suggestion. Next request would be from UncleJ on Nurin’s case.. Please allow me some time ya uncle :) <p

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This post has 14 comments.


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  1. Noushy Syah
    21 Sep 07 12:47 am

    I think this might give some tips or ideas to Azuchawan:
    feel free to visit my another half’s:
    http://bersama-masa.blogspot.com/2007/06/hes-into-you.html
    http://bersama-masa.blogspot.com/2007/05/he-is-in-love-when.html

    Looking at the topic immediately teringat lagu “if you’re not the one”by D/Beddingfield..

  2. azuwachan
    21 Sep 07 1:43 am

    THANKS SO MUCH BANG BANJI!!! YOU’RE THE BEST!!!
    Actually, I was in doubt whether anyone would want to help me in this matter, becoz I never ask for help in this ‘lovey-dovey’ thingy.
    I also so much in doubt if anyone would bother to read that post, but you and my friends did it and gave some awesome tips.
    But indeed, there is dissagreement here; I actually like him becoz of what he has in him. Probably I fell for him because of his character, and according to what you just said, that’s no love.
    So here’s the conflict; becoz not all people consider love as a blind emotion only. Like me, I rather use my reason to like someone, like I like him becoz he’s very responsible, for instance.
    Maybe I didn’t give you the clear idea of how could I like him, or who is he, or how is he etc.
    But of course, I really appreciate your help.
    Yet, it is more complicated than what you think, heheh… well, that’s what love is, isn’t it? x)

  3. banji
    21 Sep 07 1:43 am

    noushy – hehe betul la, terngiang2 lagu tu plak pagi2 nih :)

  4. banji
    21 Sep 07 1:53 am

    azuwachan – hmm I guess that point in my post is misunderstood, or i didn’t elaborate on it clearly :)

    falling in love due to character actually is THE WAY TO GO, for you to be committed to someone, that person better be responsible. so I believe what u felt IS love.

    my point there is actually for those who just like him because he is famous. I guess famous is a better word rather than “character”.. when u like him because he is likeable. and the feeling grow that u mistakenly think u fell for him.

    sorry for the misunderstanding ya :), i’ll edit the post accordingly.

  5. filantera
    21 Sep 07 2:39 am

    heheheh nice topic.

    actually………mmmmmmmm all the three things that banji said is true.

    tp kekadang itu yang buatkan kita love him/her

    maybe a crush the looks…..itu yang first that catch the eyes, ramai yang catch the eyes tp dia sorng yang takleh lupa…yang bleh hidup bersama…then baru sedar kebaikan dia……..

    maybe the kindness…….ramai yang kind, but his way of showing that he is care make u meltz……….

    maybe the attitude….u fall in love with him because of attitude…tp kalau fall in love ngan justin timberlake for attitude is not love la kut hhaha

    the thing is, when u are in love.. u feel comfortable. u feel u need him/her. u feel u can live without him but truthfully u cant!

    kalau nak cari cinta sejati, percayalah kita takkan jumpa hingga ke akhirat,….kerana cinta sejati hanya pada ilahi!

    ~~pergh ayat pagi pagi jemaat!!:)

  6. azuwachan
    21 Sep 07 3:31 am

    ok bang banji, got your point this time.
    hmm… to tell you the truth I am not that close to him, but he knew me and I know him.
    We never chat like everyday stuff, but we only talk about ‘work’, things related with both of us. (however ‘work isn’t the exact word, but I cannot describe the real one here. I am afraid ‘somebody’ would know who’s the man I fell for, huhu~)
    But we don’t see each other everyday, haa… but it’s not that rare.
    so that’s why I cannot confirm yet that I really fall in love with him
    or not. and that’s why I’m confused, huhu~
    anyway, I believe he’s a good man =)
    but the chances to be his ‘special friend’ is below zero la. why??
    hehe… biarlah rahsia xp

  7. Banji
    21 Sep 07 4:14 am

    filantera – interesting kan perkara perasaan ni, banyak cara nak tengok.

    perkara yg kita patut eliminate utk faham the word love, kdg2 mungkin antara ciri2 yg perlu ada dlm perasaan tu :)

    mmg sukar difahami… so basically apa yg kita boleh buat, ialah bina definisi kita sendiri :)

    setuju 100% dgn pendapat yg mengatakan cinta sejati ialah cinta ilahi.

  8. Banji
    21 Sep 07 4:20 am

    azuwachan – the chances to be his girlfriend is below zero? takpe.. biarlah statement ni jadi rahsia. cuma sekadar peringatan, kalau org tu dah bertunang, and if im not mistaken, mmg berdosa jika kita pursue jugak cuba memikat hati dia. tambah pulak kalau suami org. maaf kalau tu bukan the case, since tak banyak info, this is just a general reminder :)

    in case dia bukan tunang atau suami org, takde salahnya azuwachan cuba mengenali dia lebih rapat. at least u will know him better, and in the meantime, maybe he will notice the attention :)

    just my 2 cents

  9. DORKISTIC!design
    21 Sep 07 7:26 am

    bro. Banji got a very good points in her post..i like it…

    but then, some question arise..is it u think it’s love because everyone around u is in the mood of love or already in love and you’re the one without a BF? or maybe because u think it’s time to have one? hmm..

  10. fairuzniza
    21 Sep 07 7:27 am

    hmmm…
    seems like i’m in the same situation..with the same conditions, and the same questions…

    until now, even we’ve been knowing each other only for about 2 months, i rili don’t know what is this ‘feeling’ in my heart.

    it seems like something, but i never really can admit it.

    whenever i met him, and he didnt notice me or didnt smile at me, i’ll feel terribly disappointed and frustrated. and i can just simply smsed him and said ‘thank you for ignoring me’ where the truth was he didnt see me.

    and i often get jealous to see him with someone else or to hear him saying others’ names. wehenever he did that, there’s always been a heartache inside me.

    argh…and when i see him smile, it’s like all my worries are swept away. i just love to hear words from him.

    love it when he cares bout me.
    love it when he smsed me.
    love it when he smiled at me.
    love it when he asked me what’s wrong with me.
    love it when…
    he does everything

    yeap…until now, i’m not sure what am i feeling…

    is this love? or just a crush?

    i do not know

  11. DORKISTIC!design
    21 Sep 07 7:27 am

    sorry…HIS…

  12. banji
    21 Sep 07 8:10 am

    dorkistic!design – can I assume you are asking azuwachan those question?

    Surrounding people does have some effect on us. When everyone is in love, the tendency is.. we will open up our heart a bit more to love.

    Good point there dorkistic design

    Fairuzniza – I highly recommend you read the Pisau Cukur Ockham… basically, never assume anything in a relationship.

    From your writing there, it’s very clear how you felt for him. And it’s clear also that you didn’t know what he’s feeling for you.

    So never assume that he knows that you have feeling for him. A little progressive hinting will help the guy realize that his feeling (if any) is the same as yours.

    Some of the biggest mistake we ever make, is assuming people know what we are feeling or thinking about :)

  13. intankamaruddin
    22 Sep 07 9:46 am

    Love is love!

    Someone also asked me how do u know if he’s the one (that someone is btw, my bf’s sister).

    My answer was, “I imagine my old wrinkle days, and I see him standing beside me”.

  14. Banji
    22 Sep 07 5:02 pm

    intan – org yg kita yakin boleh to the end dgn kita..

    sbb spouse ni yg paling perlukan each other bukannye masa senang, tapi masa susah nanti.

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