Summary –Β Freedom in a relationship

Quote of the day – Man want the same thing from his spouse with what he wants from an underwear, support and some freedom πŸ™‚

I laugh out loud when I first read the quote eheh. but I believe the quote doesn’t only apply to man, but to women as well? Surely women also want the support plus the freedom.

As funny as that quote is, I think it is very true. When we are involved with someone, there will always be time when we ask how much is too much. Should I show her more love, or should I back away and leave some space for her. This is very critical because if you back away too much, she may felt abandoned. But if you give it all, she may felt chained etc.

Well the thing is, this question is almost a mandatory question you need to figure out when you are in a relationship, and unfortunately there is no specific rules. I hope this guideline will be beneficial though

1) Everyone need an alone time
This is the most important thing of all. Everyone need some alone time, a time when he can do whatever he wants. So give your spouse a break once in a while. For example, if your girlfriend wants to go out with her friends, let her.. Don’t join in, let her be with her girl friends. The same goes to the guys.. sometimes he may want to play networked games with his friends.. let him enjoy it. Boys will be boys.

2) Be sensitive to body language
Ahh! the mysterious art of body language. Believe me.. they are not that easy to master. But anyone involving in a relationship must learn this. The problem is.. not all body language is the same for everyone. That’s why you will have to experiment. For example, try to stop giving attention to him, then see how he reacted. If still no effect, back away some more until you can clearly see him giving sign that he need to be cared for. Remember that sign or that tone. But please… never tell your spouse you are doing experiment. Anyone.. and I mean anyone doesn’t like being toyed with. Be very careful. Later you should try showered him with affection. And then see how much he can stand.

Some men doesn’t like being asked where he is, what’s he’s doing every 1 hour. For the woman, she may just want to show that she care but for the man it is very suffocating. This is the most difficult thing to learn, the art of knowing when is it enough.

Seriously speaking.. understanding your spouse is never easy. Each of you must verify this first before you start. They will be time when you will cross the line, or doesn’t even see the line. So before anything, discuss first, establish that mistake will happen and hopefully when it does, both of you will be very forgiving and educating πŸ™‚

So the next time you wear your underwear, remember this..

————- Personal Note —————-
I’m very interested in learning some sign language. Have you ever been on a bus, and you are looking at your family waving bye to you, and while waiting for the bus to depart, you will start doing all kind of hand signal. Usually it will end up with a seemingly a conversation without any message being delivered hehe. And I once saw people who know sign language simply talking away by their sign language.

Now.. I wonder where can I learn this language

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This post has 21 comments.

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  1. 01 Nov 07 4:31 am

    A Relationship should give pleasure to both the partners and give them a happy life….it should be flourish too.

    In all situation especially relationship, we need sometime alone to our self and boundaries…

    A good relationship means that both the partners know about the boundaries of it. You may not want your partner to bother you about your work. Your partner should know when you feel bad. Similarly you should know about the boundaries you are not supposed to cross. Draw a list of dos and do not cross them.

    By respecting our partner’s personal space in relationship helps relationship to grow better and healthily…

    p/s If signs language for the deaf/dumb surely you can learn it at the centre for learning, but if what you meant is the body language then this is by picking it up by yourself of you could enrolled yourself in an immediate body language awaress training!!:p
    ….do you really need that anyway? hehhehe…

  2. 01 Nov 07 4:34 am

    ….I actually am smiling about the undies…:p

  3. 01 Nov 07 10:22 am

    Noushy – yerp.. establishing boundaries is what I believe the most important part and the most difficult to do.

    Some people thought that establishing boundaries is a sign of not trusting and secrets. In fact.. it is just the opportunity to be you, not a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

    The sign language I’m interested to learn is of course those for the deaf. body language, as I mentioned previously is not the kind of thing we can read from books πŸ™‚

    hehe the importance of undies

  4. filantera
    01 Nov 07 10:31 am


    u are always have a good timing to post ur article la banji!

    tp kekadang tu, kena break the rule so that we can feel the fun! hehehehe tp jgn kantoi laaa

  5. 01 Nov 07 12:50 pm

    salam uncle..urm, i guess the same thing is happening with me. he might just need some times to be alone. (even though this has gone to be ‘many times’, not ‘some times’ anymore…)

    but still, i olwes said to myself, never let him down no matter what. if this is what he wants, i should try to adapt with his way, despite of wanting him to fit himself with my way.

    neway uncle, do u have ym? hehehe…

  6. 01 Nov 07 1:56 pm

    Aagagaga…yet another great topic from u Banji..Great article and aiyooo…tukang comment pun best..Talking abt time on our me remind something that happen 2 me..Being ignore..My ex-bf was so mad at me but i didn’t gave him time 2 be alone..instate,he ignore me for almost a week..then i learn from my mistake lo..Agagaga…

  7. banji
    02 Nov 07 12:18 am

    filantera – do I? hehe coincidence only, but I actually am not surprise, this problem is one of the most common problem in a relationship, so hopefully it will help

    do elaborate on breaking the rules πŸ™‚

  8. banji
    02 Nov 07 12:19 am

    fairuzniza – I was hoping you would catch that message. I’m not saying you should forget about the friendship altogether, but just give him some time to sort things out

    More importantly, let him know that you are giving him a break, and you will still be here πŸ™‚ If not he may be making assumption.

    I can only offer you advice based on my understanding of the problem, I may have misunderstood it.. then you will have to adapt the advice to your situation

    Yes I do have YM, but it has been so long since I chat πŸ™‚ If there is anything I can help you with, please email them to me. I’ll see what I can do, (while I cant promise you the email will be replied ASAP, I can promise you it WILL be replied πŸ™‚ )

  9. banji
    02 Nov 07 12:20 am

    aRa – thanx… kudos to all sharing ideas here πŸ™‚

    ignoring someone to highlight the important of alone time is probably not the best thing to do, It is very rude. But, The more polite way is ignoring, but with some notice beforehand… maybe like

    “Dear X, I’m sorry to say that I will not be able to go out this weekend, because I really need to take some time for myself, a lot of things-to-do. please accept my apology.. and be assured that you will be the first to know when it is all over :)”

    p.s. it’s been quite some time I wrote a love letter hahaha

  10. 02 Nov 07 2:09 pm

    thanks a lot, have been a help here. πŸ™‚

  11. banji
    02 Nov 07 6:29 pm

    fairuzniza – the pleasure is mine πŸ™‚

  12. 03 Nov 07 6:25 pm

    Haha.. Women go for ‘support and freedom’?

    That sounds weird… Lol.

  13. banji
    03 Nov 07 10:14 pm

    Intan – well, don’t you? you do need the support and freedom right? πŸ™‚

  14. 04 Nov 07 11:18 pm

    i mean abt the underwear. There’s nothing to support. And to free. Lol.

  15. 04 Nov 07 11:21 pm

    except if the quote’s referring to different kind of underwears in women n men..

    Ok ignore my comment.

    (I just dont understand)

  16. banji
    05 Nov 07 12:22 am

    intan – ooo heheh I guess ure right. but how about those bra? I’m sure they provide the support but maybe not the freedom. *sweating

    Definitely the quote doesn’t cover the woman πŸ™‚

  17. sunny
    10 Sep 10 1:28 pm

    hi, dude u r realy mkng or clearing the problem which r intrupting in a relationship through a quite gentle way nd u knw thts a gr8 thimg abt u… really m inspired ..thnx as this my first comment nd new to this so i think i will need ur support,

  18. 17 Sep 10 10:59 pm

    Sunny – Thanks for the comment. In the end, all we need is support from each other right? πŸ™‚

  19. […] I get by with a little help from my friends – the text for this article was got from here, but i changed it around a little. 0POST Comment 0VIEW COMMENTS Share […]

  20. Md nurul huda Bijoy
    03 Jun 11 5:13 pm


  21. faye
    30 Sep 11 7:16 pm

    super like.
    my bf and argue about this all the time

    now, i just realize my mistake……

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