yesno

Summary – A question : How to help the guy figure out his feeling?

A friend of mine who wants to remain anonymous had emailed me quite a long time ago, about a month or so. To her, I want to apologize for being very late in answering your question. Rest assured, any emails sent to me will be answered. And any requested post will be entertained (of course within reason)

She had asked me a question, and she really hopes that everyone reading can give her a point or two on how to solve this problem of hers.

Basically she had fall for a guy she knew. She had not meet him in person but only knew him from the chatting channel on ASTRO.

Describing the guy
She wrote that he is a very good listener and is very caring. In addition to that, they both share the same interest and thus the chemistry.

The problem
This guy apparently is giving mixed signal altogether. Sometimes he will be so loving and romantic, another time.. it’s as if he does not even care about maintaining the relationship.

The question
What can she do to help the guy figure out his feeling towards her? Whether he’s in love with her or he’s not… Whatever it is, I believe she will be able to handle it.. She just need to know which

/end question

To honour her request, I will only give my opinion on the matter in the comment section. Most probably towards the end of the day :)

So guys… here we have a friend in need of help, I’m sure you guys have brilliant advice to give. I, on her behalf, really appreciate it :)

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This post has 11 comments.


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  1. 11 Jan 08 10:37 am

    hohoho…
    anyway bang banji, may I know how old is she??
    because if she’s early 20’s, she’s likely to depend on emotion rather than rationality. (huhu.. talking bout experience..)
    if she’s much matured than I thought, well, I think she should better try to meet him face to face, and only after that could she decide to think about all the feelings and emotions towards him and him towards her. doesn’t your friend curious about the real guy; what’s in store behind the t.v screen??
    I think men always ‘play-play’ with women’s emotion, because (I think) they knew that’s the weakness of a woman. so to really trust a guy you never met is not even an option, because most of them ‘ada udang disebalik batu’. gotta be careful nowadays, girls.
    well, it’s just an opinion, heheh… no offense ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. banji
    11 Jan 08 11:26 am

    azuwachan – she is actually mid20s, her exact age is kept confidential

    and itโ€™s sad but I have to admit that there are A LOT OF men out there that like to play with womenโ€™s emotion. I actually know some guys that do this just for the fun of it. Of course, I definitely did not agree with the idea.

    anyway.. nice advice there

    p.s. Do note that I used “A Lot Of” instead of “All”… there are still a lot of very good men out there :) Hopefully myself included in that group

  3. filantera
    11 Jan 08 5:42 pm

    well, cut off the way they know the way they communicate.

    basically

    action speaks louder than words………

    is he really concern, when u are not around, does he notice u ? when u are around is he notice u? does he remember ur besday or try to remember?

    if the relationship is longger than 6 months, dont be afraid to ask………..

    directly or indirectly

    directly: do u love me?

    indirectly:
    would u come and meet my parent before we go out
    do u mind if i introduce u as my boyfren(ice breaking topic)
    why do i miss u ek?

    bla

    bla

    bla…………………………………….

    in the same time, always bring ur safety parachute…:D

  4. 11 Jan 08 9:07 pm

    wah.. da filantera talkin like a true shrinks.
    u da maannnn….
    actually for me, the whole chattin world is just a medium for people to communicate.
    to get to know people.
    to actually says ‘hi’ without having to feel ashame, segan, fear of rejection.

    But u cant see the person who u’re chattin wit pocket..

    well dats the best part.. then u dont have to feel intimidated about your looks.
    u dont have to worry about your 36 inch waist when u’re chatting with a full naturally blond kerengga…

    but a medium is just a medium.
    u have to take a step higher.
    meet him up.
    see how the chemistry works with both pheromones mingling in the air ๐Ÿ˜€
    See how those haagen dazs taste with him in front of u.
    touch him a little (but not too much!!) n see how does it sparks.

    with a couple more haagen dazs,
    a bit of present goes both ways,
    share a few popcorns during movie.
    n then ask im…

    lets get married ๐Ÿ˜€ hahahaha
    but make sure u checked his marital status ^^;

  5. banji
    12 Jan 08 12:11 am

    filantera – that’s a very good way to know the true nature of his feeling. See how the guy actually treated you. Everyone can talk, saying all the right things, but the important thing is really how he make you feels.

    He can be a very quiet person, but if he really care, you will know.

    thanx bro

    DaPocket – a medium is just a medium. very true indeed. it’s very easy to hide one’s true nature in such medium.

    Nicely done :)

  6. banji
    12 Jan 08 12:33 am

    My anonymous friend – As you can see from the response here, most of us are more concern with the fact that he is a virtual guy. You may have talked to him over the phone, email etc, but the truth is we really can’t tell his true nature or his feeling.

    Your problem even started from there right? not knowing how exactly he felt for you.

    You must also excuse us, if what we wrote here is not accurate. There must be a reason for you to fell in love with him, and it must be a good one. and there’s no way we will understand that. But.. personally for me, as long as you didn’t actually met the guy, or his friends and family, you don’t really know him. And falling in love at this stage is most probably just a crush.

    Overall, it may seems that we are not answering your question. But I sincerely think that the problem is very well adressed by fellow friends. In short
    – You need to know him better
    – Be very sure of your feeling first
    – Test him accordingly.. Words are deceiving, action usually tell the truth

    I really hope to be able to solve this for you, but as a friend, this is what we think is more important.

    I deliberately will let this topic open by not posting today. Maybe other friends might have other opinions on the matter.

    Feel free to reply to the comment anonymously

  7. anonymous
    12 Jan 08 2:38 am

    Terima kasih semua atas nasihat dan tidak lupa juga pendapat anda semua..Saya amat menghargainya kerana memang saya sebenarnya keliru..

    Terima kasih kerana membuat saya berfikir dengan lebih mendalam terhadap perkara ini..Terima kasih semua kerana mengingatkan saya untuk lebih berhati-hati..

    Terima kasih saya pada azuwachan,filantera dan DaPocket..Anda telah selamatkan saya dari kebingungan ini..

    Terima kasih juga pada banji kerana sudi kongsikan masalah saya pada pembaca banji..Saya hargainya..

  8. 13 Jan 08 2:11 pm

    yeah, i know how u feel. knowing some one virtually, feeling that he really cares bout u (mabe u n him smsing everyday), so as a woman, we will feel easily crush on that person or mite as well say, u thought it as a love. feeling of loving, there is nothing wrong, u can let the feeling flow accordingly. but, u have to know, once u already meet him up, face to face, get to know his family, friends, only by that time, u can sure ur feeling again. are u really really in LOVE once u already meet him? bcoz, u mite have higher expectation on that guy, which is actually is not like what u think. just an advice. =)

  9. intankamaruddin
    14 Jan 08 1:09 am

    leave him. :-p

  10. intankamaruddin
    14 Jan 08 1:12 am

    i mean, dats how u know if a guy loves u or not. see if he comes tailing or he ignores. :-)

  11. banji
    15 Jan 08 1:20 am

    moon – yup, there is a very fine line that separate a crush from true love. But at one point, we will always know which is which. Nobody can teach us that. Give it time, get to know the person… No logic or tutorial can help you with this one. You will have to make the choice. and whether it will be disaster or your dream, you will have to accept it.

    Follow your heart, but follow with all the wisdom and knowledge in your mind as guidance :)

    intankamaruddin – A test as such is one of the best method to know :) I totally agree with Intan. But you may have to come up with a specific test for you

    My anonymous friend – Hopefully we can be of help to you. Let us know if there’s anything else we can help you with

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