Minifinger

Summary – Don’t lie to yourself, you’ll know

When people actually say “think positive”, what comes to your mind. Let say you were fired by your boss from work, what would you say to yourself?

  • Everything will be okay
  • I will definitely get another job in a few days
  • This is a good thing for me

Any other answers? For me, all these answers are a good example of a more positive thinking. Trying to look at the positive side of things. They are far much better than –

  • I’m going to die of starvation
  • I’m such a loser
  • Everyone hates me

Don’t you agree? However, when you think about it. Do you really know that things will be okay? Do you really know that you will get another job ASAP? And is it really a good thing to be sacked from a company?

The truth is all those words are only words to calm yourself down. It is always better to be calm and positive than panicky and negative. However, they are still basically lies we tell ourselves. And deep down inside, we actually know that.

Now that’s my friend is why positive thinking is always very hard to do, and sometimes it will do more harm than good. Unless of course you know the proper way of positive thinking..

The actual proper way to an effective positive thinking is to acknowledge what has happened first.

In this specific example, we must first acknowledge that we are fired from the job. Never try to comfort us by saying that the company made the biggest mistake by sacking you, or that you will get better job etc.

Acknowledge first that you are fired. It’s real and whatever it is, it’s done. Whether you want to believe it or not, you are now jobless. And whatever future maybe will depend ENTIRELY on how you react to this.

Once you had acknowledge this, I can assure you your fear of being fired will reduce drastically. Because you’ve dealt with the issue. You can now move on by planning what exactly should you do to overcome this problem.

That is positive thinking – the way of thinking that will benefit you. Not the lies you told yourself for comfort. Let say you tell yourself that you will get a job in 2 weeks. And unfortunately you remain jobless for over a year now, just imagine the damage done to your mind with the frustration.

Rule of thumb : Positive thinking is when you said something to yourself that will make good things happen.

Examples of positive thinking words

  • I know it will hurt, but I have no time for that. I will fight with all my energy to watch my baby grow. To teach her everything I know about life and see her be the smartest girl on the planet. (To be said when fighting for life during delivery)
  • I fail the exam, which means I am given a second opportunity to fix my life. I now know exactly what it takes to succeed.
  • Accidents happened to me as a reminder that I need to improve my driving skills. Good thing it is only minor accident

Examples of positive thinking that lies

  • This will not hurt.
  • I am going to excel next time
  • It’s not my fault the accident happened. I’m just not lucky

Examples of negative thinking

  • If I die, my baby will still have her father
  • I’m stupid
  • Some people are just not meant to drive

———- Personal Note ———-
I actually dedicate this post to my wife, the mrs. She is now in her 9th month of pregnancy. And a lot of things come to her mind now, both positive and negative. Can’t blame her since this is our first baby.

Mothers, any comforting words for her? please

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This post has 9 comments.


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  1. It’s interesting to see the difference between “just saying something” vs the actual acknowledgment. That acknowledgment ultimately helps me feel better
    ignoring it and just saying “it’ll be fine” doesn’t work very well for me

    I never paid attention to this difference before but as I read, I imagined past situations and I agree with you whole heartedly

    great post! :)

  2. Suzie Cheel
    19 Apr 08 5:48 am

    Being positive is so important, it changes how you live your life
    Having positive vibes on a daily basis not only makes you a better person, it alos brightens the lives of thise around you- I am a living example of this

  3. Tracey
    19 Apr 08 6:59 am

    Something to help your wife stay positive in the delivery room…bring MUSIC! Makes so much difference to have something to focus on. And tell her she will always have a good subject to talk about with other moms…swapping labor stories are always good conversation for the wives.

  4. 19 Apr 08 2:05 pm

    I like this post. Yes, positive thinking if done properly- I mean withour lieying(?) yourself always pays good.
    Being positive helps you to handle most troubles easily. If you are positive you will not think the problem as problem(But you have here again as written in the post to acknowledge the problem). Rather you will start to find the solution.

  5. 19 Apr 08 5:37 pm

    JEMi – lying at yourself is just the same as being in denial, we are actually making things worse. :)

    But that’s the tricky part, differentiating acknowledgment and just saying something. There’s a very fine line betweeen them.

    Thank you JEMi for the kind words

    Suzie Cheel – I definitely agree. Just by smiling, people around us will feel more like smiling :) That’s how contagious positivity is.

    Maybe you can elaborate more on how you are a living example of this?

    Tracey – Thank you for the idea. I will try that music idea.

    I’m not worry about talking with other moms. She actually insist a sharing room just for that. :) You can read everything there is to know about it, but nothing is more practical than those tips given by other moms

    Jirel – True. Negativity will bring you nowhere. It will definitely will not solve any problem. But the problem will always be there if unsolved. So given a choice, why be negative right? :)

    All – Welcome to the blog :) Hope to see you again tomorrow

  6. 21 Apr 08 11:20 am

    u like ur article on positive thinking. i am a negative person sometimes and i am forcing myself to be more positive!
    hmm.. congrats to a soon-to-be-father! =)
    u must be exciting waiting for ur 1st baby~

  7. banji
    22 Apr 08 11:43 pm

    cbenc12 – yes, sometimes we have to force ourself to be positive. All the good things will have some resistance.

    Thank you for the wish. yes, I am very very excited :) Just can’t stop smiling

  8. Great post! The distinction between “positive thinking” and “lying to yourself” is an important one to make. Best wishes to you and your wife.

  9. 27 Apr 08 1:08 pm

    Clay Collins – Thank you for the wishes.

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