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“The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.” – Unknown Quote

Beautiful isn’t it? I received this quote via email from a friend and I ask myself – “if only I have 10 such friends, I will be set for life, no need to find other friends”.

But how can I find such friends? Here a few test that may help you figure out “best kind of friend” from “just friend”.

1) Ask a friend out for a drink. The reason this is tips number 1 is because we need to determine where we stand in the friendship. Just know that it’s a bad sign if everyone suddenly need to visit their sick aunties.

  • He agree = +1 point
  • He disagree = -1 point

2) Ask questions. One of the most annoying thing a friend can do is if he talk only about himself.

  • He stopped sometimes and ask you questions = +1 point
  • He keeps talking about himself one topic to another topic = -1 point

3) Deliberately pause during the chatting for 1 minute. Sometimes we go blank during chatting. I’m sure it happens to us all. Let see what our friend will do in that situation.

  • He took the initiative and throw in a topic to chat about = +1 point
  • He take out his cellphone and start sending sms = -1 point

4) Check his moral compas. There’s no point in making friend with a serial killer, however supportive he is friendship wise. Throw in some imaginative question like “What is this killer thinking about when they are on a killing spree?”

  • He immediately show his disagreement with the killing = +1 point
  • He proudly say that he will do it another way = -1 point

5) Plan a secret keeping test. This one you must do before hand. Get a coperative friend (Friend A) and tell him that you are going to share a secret with friend B. This friend A and B of course know each other. Friend A is supposed to check whether or not friend B will spill out the secret you shared with him.

  • Friend A inform you that friend B doesn’t tell even after being strangled = +1 point
  • Friend B publish your secret in his blog =-1 point

6) Ask for money. This is usually the ultimate test. When you ask a friend for money claiming that it’s an emergency, and the friend straight away lend you, it’s a sign that he is willing to lose his money on you. But of course don’t spend the money. Pay him back after a month or two.

Do not lose good friend over money.

  • He straight away give you money without hesitation = +1 point
  • He walks away = -1 point

– I wonder –
I’m sure there are more test you can think of. It would be great if you share it here.

——— Personal Note ———–
Be very certain that the fact you’re testing him remain a secret. Nobody likes to be tested. That can sometimes be seen as not sincere.

There are hundreds of people we met each day, and everyone can be our friend. But in this hundreds of friends, there will only be about 10-20 that fall into “the best kind of friend” category. And that is why we need to do the test, and determine who they are.

It really is a lost if you lose friends as described in the above quote.

Photo credit : Chrys Omori

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This post has 16 comments.


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  1. 24 May 08 2:42 pm

    It is interesting that you come up with such a test without thinking of the one major point – you must not be a very good friend.

    I would never trust or forgive anyone who would be petty enough to test me like this, and that you even considered it shows me your moral compass is not only out of line, but broken and missing.

    Who is a good friend? The friend that helped you when you where sick, the friend you like to be around, the one that stands up for you and the one that thinks enough like you to be able to bounce ideas to. This does not need further testing, just think back to how your friend acts around you if you are shallow enough to doubt their friendship.

  2. 24 May 08 11:29 pm

    very interesting..i scared my frens will run away once i start asking these questions…lol

  3. 25 May 08 12:17 am

    my friend only failed on question number 4. He is the best friend I ever have, but he have a potential to be a serial killer.lol. So what can i do?

  4. banji
    25 May 08 7:33 am

    falcon – haha do not ask them like it’s an interview. “you! sit! I’m going to ask you a series of question” :) make it casual, very casual

    amirahsyuhada – erk.. now I’m scared :) I wonder how you know he has that potential?

  5. 25 May 08 5:31 pm

    Well, u can always ask like this…
    ‘wahhh… soo many interest in this world i wonder, how does it feel to be a serial killer yah…?’

    hehehe,

  6. 25 May 08 5:45 pm

    just a quick response for u, uncle.. :)

    pesanan ke 16 dari 25 pesanan Luqmanul Hakim pada anaknya..

    16 – Hai anakku; bilamana engkau mahu mencari kawan sejati, maka ujilah terlebih dahulu dengan berpura pura membuat dia marah. Bilamana dalam kemarahan itu
    dia masih berusaha menginsafkan kamu,maka bolehlah engkau mengambil dia sebagai kawan. Bila tidak demikian, maka berhati hatilah.

    :)

  7. 25 May 08 6:48 pm

    Or perhaps we can just ask, am I your best friend..hehe

  8. 25 May 08 7:51 pm

    Salamz Banji…hope you and fmly are fine.Wonder if you have been a ‘daddy’ already or not?

    Wishing you all the best yea..Take care and have a gr8 weekend too.

    My blog is Ok now..don’t really know why it disappeared yesterday…

    Best friend to me is someone that will never comdemn or bitch abt you behind your back.. but give positive criticms including saying NO when due,show you the rite path when necessary and surely not hypocrites.

  9. banji
    26 May 08 12:44 am

    DaPocket – very subtle :)

    fairuzniza – interesting, that can be test no 7, make the friend angry, and if he still insist on helping you or advising you, it shows how sincere he is in being a friend (just a translation to all non-malay speaking readers) :)

    soleh – a direct approach. But I don’t think we can know for sure the level of sincerity of that friend. Maybe you have another approach by being direct?

    noushy syah – very soon. Actually today the mrs will be warded and tomorrow insyaAllah the delivery will be induced. Please pray for her wellness

    I totally agree with your definition of best friend. He/she should be able to say no when due. That’s why the enemy usually end up being a best friend. Because they usually will tell what we do wrong straight to the face. :)

  10. banji
    26 May 08 1:04 am

    Frank – Apparently your comment fall into my spam, Sorry for that, already despam you.

    Interesting point of view. I do agree that testing a person is very insulting. I myself may not forgive one who do it on me. However, for me, being tested and testing other aspect in life is a daily routine. It just happen every day. We will always ask a friend for a drink. And let’s just say the friend keep giving excuses to us… I’m sure deep down we will come up with a conclusion ourselves that he/she may not like us that much.

    As long as we are observing and coming up with conclusion, we are always doing test on people and other elements of life. The article however, deliberately point out this, that maybe we can come up with a more proper way to draw conclusion instead of just plain guess work.

    Appreciate your different pov though :)

  11. 27 May 08 12:44 am

    TQ Banji…my well wishes to you and your MRs.Insyaallah inducing is a normal procedure for those mums to be if overdue or post date.

    My dua with you and your Mrs.
    Take care.

  12. banji
    28 May 08 11:10 pm

    noushy syah – Thank you for the doa noush.. Alhamdulillah everything is ok :)

  13. Jade
    23 Jun 08 1:30 pm

    If they are your best friends… you should never have to question it? You should just know it… That’s what makes people best friends. They understand each other at a higher level. If you really have to ask and make sure… then they’re probably not a very good friend.

    We don’t have to deliberately test someone to see if they are our good friend or not.

  14. 23 Jun 08 9:43 pm

    Jade – Good point, best friends usually understand each other at a higher level. But how about your average friends? How do you know which ones deserve that emotional investment?

    Anyway, appreciate your honest opinion :)

  15. 04 Jul 08 12:22 pm

    I tend to agree with Frank on this. Such a deliberate “test” seems petty, and not especially effective. Well, and if someone did this to me, I would question /their/ value as a friend.

  16. 05 Jul 08 6:08 pm

    Oorumon – Thank you for the comment.

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