Summary – 6 most efficient anger management tips

If I ask you “Who is the strongest man on the planet?” I’m quite sure that the name Superman will come up. For those still not sure, Superman is a fictional character from comic books. He was described to be able to lift even a mountain. I’m not sure what good that may do to us. However, there are more than one way to define strength.

There’s a saying that the strongest man is not the person who can lift the heaviest stone, but the person who can control his temper.

Let’s face it, a man with temper is no fun. Most of the time they are plain dangerous to be around with. When asked, almost all of them will say that they just didn’t realize how such emotion build up. It just burst like an active volcano.

Imagine if you can stop an active volcano from erupting. Don’t you think that’s superstrong? Here’s a few tips that may help control one’s temper.

1) Acknowledge that you are angry
As easy as this sound, this is the hardest step of all. However this is also the most efficient way to control your temper. I repeat, it is the MOST EFFICIENT way to control your temper. Once you know that you are angry, you will be more conscious about your reaction and that itself cools you down drastically.

2) Set OK limits
OK limits are actual limits that you set beforehand on when exactly it’s ok to lose your temper. Now you may ask “aren’t we supposed to be controlling the temper, not letting it go?”. Believe me that when you have establish this limits, it will be so much easier to control it.

For example, Let us assume you set the limit as such – “it is ok to lose your temper if somebody is hurting your loved ones”. When you know your limits, you will know that all other incident will not be worth it. Why? because they are not in the OK limit list. Imagine how many time you can avoid losing your temper this way.

It is important to have these limits. Just as it is important to be angry in the right situation. For example, a wife / husband cheating on you. You have every right to be angry. In fact that anger will make it easier for you to take action and move on.

3) Create a mantra
This is my favorite method. Personally, the mantra I always use to control my temper is “Once I spit, I will never lick the spit back”. Roughly translated that whenever I lose my temper I will be responsible to anything that may happen. No regrets or apology.

What’s your mantra?

4) Change position
In Islam, it is proposed that to control one’s temper you should change position. If for example you are standing, consider sitting down. I’m assuming there’s a theory behind it. That whenever we are angry at something, it would be best if we just walk away from being near to the things / person we are angry at.

If you are angry at losing football team, consider walking away to maybe a park or a lake. The farther you are from the match, the more relaxed you will become. How can you cool down when you are still at the match watching your team play horribly.

5) Find a safer way to let it out
In some cases, even after we cool down, the temper is still there inside. It may lessen with time but it’s still there and anything can spark it back to life. You need to get it out of your chest. Talk to your loved ones about it.

How about setting up an email account specifically for you to pour in all your emotion. Write an email of anger to that account and tell yourself he/she is reading it. That should help. I wonder if has been taken.

6) Breathe
If all else fail, you can try this – Breathe in and out slowlly. Just focus on your breathing. Close your eyes and feel the air going in and out. There.. you are now meditating 🙂

Conclusion – There are a lot of technique out there for anger management. They even set up classes just for this. But I truly believe that these five are the most efficient method of all.

Controlling temper is never easy. Do not expect anything less. That is why when you can control it, you can proudly declare that you are the strongest man / woman in the world 🙂

– I wonder –
How do you control your temper?

————- Personal Note ————
I’m sorry for the long absence. Work caught up with me. The thing about my line of work is that, I’m on standby 24/7 minus the overtime pay. Sometime I can get very upset thinking about it. But I have made my peace with it.

How have you guys been? 🙂

Photo credit – hypertypos

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This post has 17 comments.

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  1. 29 Jun 08 1:24 pm

    dang banji!!
    why dont u post about this before my PC beating incident?
    ( As per described ere )

    that went bad…
    but usually i can control my anger
    by breathing in and out supplying
    more and more oxygen to the brain
    letting it think ‘what will happen if i…’,
    but when it comes to a non human
    related issue, i just let go 😀

  2. banji
    29 Jun 08 4:24 pm

    DaPocket – I wonder if you consider your dewi a non human 🙂 Anyway, controlling anger is tough isn’t it, pc as proof

  3. 29 Jun 08 7:29 pm

    Great post! How do I control my anger? Think on scripture and sing a song that gets my mind on God. Scriptures that come to mind are:

    “…let every man be be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” James 1:19b

    “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2

    If it’s a person I am mad at, I must forgive them, the sooner the better!
    “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32.

    This came up Friday, when my husband paid $500 over the phone using our bank card to someone claiming we owed them money from some magazine package he purchased back in 2005 after I told him not to pay anything. (I’m thinking about doing a post on this soon on–Life is Tough but God is Good section)

  4. 29 Jun 08 11:43 pm

    Karen Zemek – Turning to religion is always the best way to go 🙂 I’m a little concern too hearing your Friday story.. I hope everything is taken care of. Can he get back the money?

  5. 30 Jun 08 2:12 am

    Thanks for this article. My husband tends to lose his temper and he yells.. Drives me crazy. I’ll send him this great read.


  6. 30 Jun 08 7:39 am

    yeah, i’m leaving my comment..hihi 😛

    my anger management?
    i always listen to music every time i’m angry.
    and usually, the music would be the one that is ‘harsh’ and ‘kuat sampai pekak’ to listen to.
    [dont follow me.]

    but it helps me. yeah~

  7. filantera
    30 Jun 08 9:16 am

    hehhehhehehe have to watch the new HULK movie, they have that breathing technique to control the anger:P

  8. gina
    30 Jun 08 10:34 am

    salam banji how r u…lama sy bercutian dr berblogging…and cannot tinggal msg in ur msgbox..huhu.

    anyway very good tips laa..semenjak membawa niii lg cpt nak mrh2..kene byk breathe in breathe out kot..:) and hopefully my baby x jd baran like me..hehe

  9. 30 Jun 08 11:57 am

    Lisa – Thank you.. hope it will help, Please stress that point where he will be seen as a stronger person if he can control his temper. That will usually be a good reason for him to change. do tell me how it goes ya

    Fairuzniza – wow.. I can never listen to a loud music. And I’ve always wonder how some driver can volume up their music until we can hear the music loud and clear 🙂

    Anyway.. good tips. drowning your inner thought with the music can be a major distraction.. The harsh nature of the music will be some sort of a channel to unleash the anger

    Filantera – It’s been a while since we heard from you. life has been busy? Anyway.. thanks for your idea. I will go watch the movie and maybe learn those technique for my reference..

    It’s quite difficult to go to a cinema when you are working in estate hehe

    Gina – takleh tinggalkan msg? hm saya ada letakkan link “Leave A Message” kat sidebar in case my shoutbox disappear. Apa pun.. good to have you back. And don’t worry, bad temper during this period is perfectly normal 🙂 Though it will be nicer if you can control one or two hehe

  10. 30 Jun 08 2:09 pm

    I feel it. Tell myself it is anger I am feeling. So I know it is not good for me or those around me. Then I let it go. Like cleaning my house.

    Ignoring anger doesn’t work. Nor does fighting it.

    Recognise it. Talk to it. And ask it (politely) to get the f*** out of your head. 🙂

  11. banji
    30 Jun 08 7:54 pm

    Vimoh – I totally agree with you. ignoring your mind is never the way. Suppressing the feeling is even more dangerous. The emotion will still be there and it will only pile up until one moment you crack.

    I lol however reading how you “politely” talk to it 🙂 Nice vimoh..

  12. filantera
    01 Jul 08 9:12 am

    not that busy but life has choose this time as “filantera’s Test Time”

  13. Zakiah
    01 Jul 08 8:08 pm

    Assalamualaikum Banji,

    Thanks. Agood article. Here’s another one I found from halaqah forum for us to share. Thanks to Norwahida fauzi.

    Untuk menghilangkan marah ialah :

    a) Mula-mula kita perlu malu dengan Allah s. w. t akan segala tindak-tanduk kita. Allah memerhatikan segala perlakuan dan sikap biadab kita.

    b) Bila datang rasa hendak marah, ingatlah kita ini hanyalah manusia yang hina.

    c) Banyakkan berdiam diri dan berdoa kepada Allah agar Allah selamatkan kita daripada sifat marah.

    di) Hendaklah ingat kesan daripada sifat marah itu mungkin akan membawa kepada permusuhan dan pembalasan dendam dari orang yang anda marahi.

    e) Cuba bayangkan betapa buruknya rupa kita ketika kita sedang marah. Ianya lebih buruk daripada perlakuan seekor binatang jikalau anda di dalam keadaan yang marah.

    f) Apabila datang marah, banyakkan baca Ta’awwuz ( A’uzubillahi minas Syaitanirrajim ) kerana marah itu datangnya daripada syaitan.

    pergi) Apabila marah sedang memuncak, ambil wudhu kerana wudhu’ dapat menenangkan api kemarahan yang sedang membara.

    h) Jikalau tidak boleh hilang marah dengan hal tersebut di atas, hendaklah tidur. Kerana ianya akan meredakan perasaan marah apabila bangkit daripada tidur.

    i) Tauhid kita perlu tepat. Setiap sesuatu itu datangnya dari Allah dan akan kembali kepada Allah. Kenapa kita perlu marah.

    Kalau kita bersalah, kita tidak suka orang memarahi kita. Maka begitulah orang lain yang melakukan kesilapan, juga tidak suka dimarahi. Tegurlah dengan lemah lembut dan kasih sayang.

    Satu cara lagi, apabila datangnya marah, sedangkan anda berdiri, maka duduklah, sekiranya duduk, maka bersandarlah, Insya Allah kemarahan akan mulai reda.

    Dengan cara demikian, keegoan akan berkurangan. Tetapi apa yang berlaku, apabila naik marah, yang bersandar akan mula menetapkan duduknya dan seterusnya berdiri, maka kemarahan sudah tidak dapat dikawal. Berbanyakkanlah beristighfar itulah senjata orang2 mukmin.

  14. 02 Jul 08 1:41 pm

    Excellent post, lots of great tips on a topic close to most of us–and one I need to focus on from time to time. Patience and not letting things upset me; this post helps. Thanks.


  15. 02 Jul 08 10:39 pm

    filantera – Now only I know what that test time means. Good luck.. I’m sure you know what to do

    Zakiah – Waalaikumsalam Zakiah 🙂 Thanks for that piece you just shared.

    Livelife365 – Thank you for reading 🙂

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