“The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.” - Unknown Quote

Beautiful isn’t it? I received this quote via email from a friend and I ask myself - “if only I have 10 such friends, I will be set for life, no need to find other friends”.

But how can I find such friends? Here a few test that may help you figure out “best kind of friend” from “just friend”.

1) Ask a friend out for a drink. The reason this is tips number 1 is because we need to determine where we stand in the friendship. Just know that it’s a bad sign if everyone suddenly need to visit their sick aunties.

• He agree = +1 point
• He disagree = -1 point

2) Ask questions. One of the most annoying thing a friend can do is if he talk only about himself.

• He stopped sometimes and ask you questions = +1 point
• He keeps talking about himself one topic to another topic = -1 point

3) Deliberately pause during the chatting for 1 minute. Sometimes we go blank during chatting. I’m sure it happens to us all. Let see what our friend will do in that situation.

• He took the initiative and throw in a topic to chat about = +1 point
• He take out his cellphone and start sending sms = -1 point

4) Check his moral compas. There’s no point in making friend with a serial killer, however supportive he is friendship wise. Throw in some imaginative question like “What is this killer thinking about when they are on a killing spree?”

• He immediately show his disagreement with the killing = +1 point
• He proudly say that he will do it another way = -1 point

5) Plan a secret keeping test. This one you must do before hand. Get a coperative friend (Friend A) and tell him that you are going to share a secret with friend B. This friend A and B of course know each other. Friend A is supposed to check whether or not friend B will spill out the secret you shared with him.

• Friend A inform you that friend B doesn’t tell even after being strangled = +1 point
• Friend B publish your secret in his blog =-1 point

6) Ask for money. This is usually the ultimate test. When you ask a friend for money claiming that it’s an emergency, and the friend straight away lend you, it’s a sign that he is willing to lose his money on you. But of course don’t spend the money. Pay him back after a month or two.

Do not lose good friend over money.

• He straight away give you money without hesitation = +1 point
• He walks away = -1 point

- I wonder -
I’m sure there are more test you can think of. It would be great if you share it here.

——— Personal Note ———–
Be very certain that the fact you’re testing him remain a secret. Nobody likes to be tested. That can sometimes be seen as not sincere.

There are hundreds of people we met each day, and everyone can be our friend. But in this hundreds of friends, there will only be about 10-20 that fall into “the best kind of friend” category. And that is why we need to do the test, and determine who they are.

It really is a lost if you lose friends as described in the above quote.

Photo credit : Chrys Omori

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A quick recap, yesterday I wrote about how I was cheated because I trust people. In short, A guy drove into my car’s rear bumper and damage it. When asked for repair money, he just said that he didn’t have the money. So I just accept that RM100 (USD33) he offered and believe him that he will pay the remainder that evening. He never answered my phone call.

I kept replaying the whole scenario in my mind, and one thing I noticed is that I will most probably be doing the same mistake again. Yes, I will trust him again.

I guess that’s my fatal flaw. Even though I know that trusting people should be exercised with great caution, I still can’t help but giving people the chance to be trusted. I’ve always felt that if trusting each other no longer exist in the world, it will be like sleeping over at your enemy’s house. You just can’t go to sleep. No.. I don’t want that.

Today, I would like to ask you guys a very important question. What’s your golden rule when it comes to trusting people? What’s your criteria to decide whether or not to trust a person.

At the moment, here’s mine :

1) Always trust the family
I’m sure everyone will have different opinion on this. My family however are very very close. And even though we may have different of opinion, in the end, I can always count on them for anything.

2) Never trust anyone when it comes to money
This rule is just established immediately after the incident. Money, unfortunately can cloud our judgment and most of the time brings out the worst of us.

/end

As you can see, it’s not very well developed yet. But I’m hoping your feedback will help. I’d like to know what’s your golden rules on trusting people. Care to share?

Photo credit : Makelessnoise

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Summary - Proper Get To Know in Baby Steps

One of the simplest question in the world and yet comes with millions of different answers is this “How do you win a woman’s / guy’s heart?”

Ever wonder why the millions of different answers? The reason is because everyone is simply uniquely different. If you give a girl a flower, she may likes it and find you romantic. Another girl if given the same flower, may actually be throwing it away. If later on she starts to vomit, it’s a sign for you to move on

So how can we become the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife? How to know the correct way to treat each other? The perfect amount to treat/care for someone?

Well my friend. It is not an easy job. But the whole secret is this - Proper Get To Know in Baby Steps. Let me try to explain this method.

An example, it’s your first date. And you are afraid of saying the wrong things, discussing things that she may not like. So what do you do?

Things she definitely like
First try to talk about things that she must like. For examples, she is studying art. The most accurate assumption is that she likes art. You can try to ask her some small details about art. Whether the subject is hard or not? Don’t ask her to teach you art. She’s going out with you, not her lecturer. Just some small details.

Listen & Make a mental note
This is where people always fail. They just don’t listen. You of all person, should listen to everything she said. There are always hints in her conversation about other things she like.

It is important that you remember what she like. Why? I’ll explain it soon

Start Get-To-Know
Now we probably have some question in mind. For example, does she have sense of humor? what kind of joke she hated? This is where you will have to baby-step your way in. Put up a joke, and if she laugh, make a mental note of that joke.

Don’t immediately attack her then with your Giant Book of Joke. That would annoy anyone. So what happen if your joke is not acceptable or hated? Simply just don’t pursue that route. Say sorry and start afresh with another approach. Ask about other things you would like to know, bestfriend, hated lecturers etc.

If all else fail, remember that list of things she like? Use them back. Of course the reintroducing of the topic must be very subtle.

Then what?
By the end of the date, you should know a lot of details about her. What she like? How she like / hate to be treated? What topic is forbidden to talk about? etc

Just imagine you go out with a person who knows exactly what you like to talk about, do exactly what he/she is expected to do.

The keyword is baby-step. You should introduce anything in small detail at first, and if she dislikes the idea, just abandon that idea and move on to the next thing.

Most people already know about this, but most of the time they do 2 mistakes :
1) They rush into things

• The girl herself is trying to get to know you. Take your time

2) They do not listen

• How can you know her if you do not listen. And obviously you will be repeating the same mistakes over and over.

- Disclaimer -
The concept is NOT only applied to men. It can be used by both men and women, especially husband and wife, even between friends.

- I wonder -
Anything else I missed?

——- Personal Note ——–
I am going to tell you a secret. The first time the mrs and I date, I actually bought her a rose. When she saw me standing there with a rose, she actually ran away And after I caught up with her, (and after a lot of persuasion) she told me that she dislikes the idea of rose at the first date.

I learnt my lesson and now she is Mrs banji

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I just went through my phonebook (in my handphone of course), and I come across my ex-roommate. He is a very dear friend of mine, and I suddenly remembered that he hasn’t called me for quite some time.

At that point, I faced two feeling. One is that feeling of wanting to call him back, just to say hi. Another is that pride thing where I think I had called him quite a lot already, and it’s his turn to call me back.

Of course I chosed calling him. And after a while, I realized that it was me that has changed my phone number and didn’t bother to give him. Whether or not he will call me if I’m still using the old number is not an issue. I should always give him the benefit of a doubt and never assume.

/end story

Guys, I know that there are some of your friends out there that you haven’t call or email. Today is the perfect day to do just that. Pick up the phone, SMS or call him/her. Friendship is just too valuable just to be sacrificed for pride. Even if he/she never make the first move, that should not be an excuse for you to do the same.

Cherish your friendship. You have taken quite a lot of time nurturing them, selecting your friends.. Why throw it away over a petty pride.

Of course they are friends that are just not worth it. But isn’t it always better to have 10 useless friends than no friend at all

Remember

• Choose one friend from your phonebook
• Call him / SMS him / email him now
• Put up a reminder in your handphone calendar, to contact another friend next week.

- I wonder -
How about you reply this article by telling us about a friend of yours? A name and how you become friends would be great

———– Personal Note ———–
Let me start, the person I just called is Bahim. He is now working in Toyota and just got married last year in March. I apparently wasn’t invited simply because I changed my phone number,Fortunately I called.

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