Summary – The correct method of giving advice

Note : The above idiom is roughly translated to “Like pulling hair from a pot of flour, the hair should not snap and the flour should not be a mess.” Generally it means to do something with extra care not to do any damage.

warning is basically a harsher way of advising. So what is the correct way of giving advice?

I’ll explain through a story. One fine day, two boys were at the mosque when they saw an old man perform the ablution (taking the wudhu’). Now these boys were quite knowledgable about wudhu’ and they knew immediately that the way the old man was taking the wudhu’ was wrong. They knew they had to advise him. So what they did was to go to the old man…

Boys – Sir, if we can have your time, the two of us are actually discussing, I’m saying that this boy is taking the wudhu’ wrongly, while he said that I’m the one who do it wrongly. Can you please be the judge of that?

Old man – sure, why not.

The boys each then performed the ablution, each took wudhu’ the correct way. After both of them were finish. The old man embarassingly admitted that their wudhu’ were actually perfect, and that his was the one which is wrong. He understood that the boys were trying to advise him and thanked them for that.

/end story

Giving advise is a good thing to do, it usually will benefit both of the giving and the receiving ends. Sometime the person giving the advice may actually be the one who need to be corrected. However, the method of giving advice is my main objective here.

I believe everyone has pride or ego. Everyone will feel attacked and humiliated if being told that they were wrong. It’s human nature.

We cannot give advice in hidden meaning like the story at all time, sometime (usually) they might not get it.

We just need to consider the person’s ego at all time. Because if not, he might feel offended and throw away the advice blindly out of ego. In the end, nobody will benefit. Isn’t it more important for the person to at least hear the advice and think about it?

Of course there are always exceptions, some people, you just need to give it direct to their face. 🙂

Examples of where ego will be affected, children advising their parent to stop smoking, wife advising the husband to help in the house and vice versa, workers advising the boss on how to manage better.

By the way, the story above is actually a true story. And the boys are actually Hassan and Hussin, the grandchildren of Rasulullah 🙂

Have you ever given out any advice, brilliantly delivered? Or are there any other methods / examples of giving advice out there that can be shared?

————— Personal Note ————————–
There was one time, my boss drafted a letter, But maybe he was in a hurry, there were a lot of grammar mistake. And this letter is important because it is addressed to the DOSH (department of safety and health). I’m not that good in English but I have no choice. I corrected it and inform him about it after. I said that the letter was placed on my desk, and that I thought he asked me to correct it. He just smiled. And from that time, every letter he drafted goes through me first. (padan muka) heheh

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This post has 5 comments.


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  1. intankamaruddin
    24 Aug 07 4:40 pm

    “Sometime the person giving the advice may actually be the one who need to be corrected.” < < Really2 agree wit this. Can u write upon request? How bout this >> ‘The correct way to know if we’re in correct position to give advices’.

    😀

  2. DBI
    25 Aug 07 5:03 am

    sesiapa sajer boleh bagi nasihat…terpulang lah org yg dinasihati tu nak terima ker tidak..
    ada pulak jenis org yg bagi nasihat tapi nak marah kalau org tak pakai nasihat dia…

    personaly; hanya bagi nasihat kalau org mintak…selamat gitu

  3. Banji
    25 Aug 07 5:14 am

    intan – insyaAllah, i’ll come up with one :).. my 2 cents

    DBI – setuju… lebih selamat bile bagi nasihat hanya kalau org minta. org mcm ni tahu dia ada masalah, dan mahu selesaikan masalah tu. tak ramai org yg begini

    tapi sesetengah org tak tau dia ada masalah, dan masalah dia tu kalau dibiarkan hanya akan lebih memudaratkan. in my opinion, kita perlu tolong dia setakat yg mampu, offer advice yg appropriate.

    ada satu lagi geng, yg lebih mengecewakan… bunyinya mcm betul2 bermasalah, dan mmg dicanangnya masalah tu dimana dgn harapan ada org bersimpati dan offer tolong. once ditolong, dinasihati… masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan, satu pun tak lekat kat kepala. ehehe annoying

  4. senjahati
    26 Aug 07 11:25 am

    salam banji..harap kat sana pun sihat2 saja

    tergelak saya baca wat ur boss did to u..hehe

    if we’r too hardworking doing something which are not our part..some people just accept dat..oh, takpala dia nak betulkan apa yang kita tak tau but some will say dat kita ni menyibuk & berkakilebar..hehe..sometimes plak jadila macam bos banji tu..every time when comes dat part..kita la yang kena buat..

    so gmana tu banji nak overcome n advice certain people yang kadang macam lepas tangan?

  5. Banji
    26 Aug 07 12:09 pm

    senjahati – :)terima kasih pada yg bertanya (eheh terasa mcm dlm forum lak) utk hal proof read tu, i dont mind actually. I am his assistant, so I should, well, assist him.

    But like u said, there are some people who like to take advantage on other people. there are no specific rules on how to teach them a lesson. because some ppl may actually need our help because they really dont know how. for these ppl, why not we offer to teach them how to do the thing.

    for those who just want to take advantage…. this line may help

    “apa? tak dengar lah.. lain kali call balik ye, reception tak clear” hehe

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