Voice out

Summary – The three factors of deciding whether you are entitled to voice out your opinion.

A good friend of mine, Ms Intan had previously asked my opinion on a subject which is “When to give advice?”. Well this is what I think.

The ground rule is you should always give advice. Giving advice is basically another words for voicing your opinion or to remind. In fact I remember there’s a saying in Islam, Do remind each other, as reminding each other is beneficial to mukminin.

However as always, there will be few factors one need to consider before giving any advice.

Factor 1 – The Person Giving

  • Must be very sure of the advice. Don’t advise anyone to walk in the dark, when you are not sure where the cliff is
  • It is always better if the giver practise the advice first before advising others. However we must know that the advice will always be more important than the giver. A drug addict advises us not to use drug is a good advice. And we should take it irregardless of the giver condition.

Factor 2 – The Person Receiving

  • If the person ask for advice then it is almost an obligation for you to help. Who else will help?
  • However if the person clearly say no advice needed. we should know what to do. Some people prefer to settle their problem their way, and this is a good quality.
  • Sometime pople asked for help, but when we offered the help or advice it’s like “curahkan air kedaun keladi”. He expect us to agree and back him up. Truthfully, I always get annoyed with this people. And I usually just back away.

Factor 3 – The Advice

  • It is very important that you believe your advice is beneficial or at least better. Friend A is giving advice to B about how smoking will make him look more cool. Obviously you disagree, (advice against smoking is always better).. it would be wrong if you don’t stated your stand there.
  • The advice must be beneficial to the receiving person, not to you. For example, your best friend has a crush on a girl, and he asked for your advice. once you see the girl, you decided to sabotage this friend of yours so that you will have better chance with her. you then advise your friend to run her with a motorcycle… that’s wouldn’t just be non-ethical… that’s plain evil.

I’m sure there’s a lot more we can add to this rule. Anything else that I missed? please help add in.

Conclusion – the rule of thumb when you are not sure is to think with both your heart and mind. you usually will already KNOW the answer.

————–Personal Note————-
There are millions of reason why we should not interfere. But how do we live our life when we see a child learning to smoke in front of us.. and all we do is look the other way. Aren’t we all related?

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This post has 8 comments.

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  1. filantera
    14 Sep 07 2:38 am

    ada jgak dgr kata , kalau people minta nasihat, berikan nasihat yang dia nak dengar, dgn menuju ke arah kebaikan

    susah gak kut

  2. Banji
    14 Sep 07 4:34 am

    hm nasihat yg dia nak dengar? mungkin jugak.. tak guna nasihat tu berguna mcm mana kalau tak didengari kan?

    tapi tu la, kebanyakkan nasihat yg berguna dan baik tu ialah yg perit nak diterima.

  3. aRa
    14 Sep 07 7:14 am

    My friend always look for me for an advice..I don’t know why..maybe i tlg diaorg kot dgn nasihat i..agagaga..from high school smpi la zaman kolej until zaman penganguran ni..friend do call me klo ade masalah(adeh..jd tempat mengadu and tmpt meminta nasihat)

    Setakat ni..smua nasihat i,byk yg accept and berjaya menolong mereka..some ckp i should consider keje bidang kunselor but i don’t think so..

    Menasihati org ade cara..bergantung pada situasi, keadaan and ape pokok pangkal masalah dia..don’t just jump into a conclusion dgn nasihat yg remeh temeh krn ia pasti tidak akan membantu org 2..

    Bila si yg meminta nasihat 2 meluahkan masalahnye..dgr dgn teliti dan kaji permasalahan..and if u can’t handle the situasion..mengaku terus pada si bermasalah 2..bab their tend 2 depend on u tok cari jalan penyelesaian..

    And 1 most important thing..jgn pernah nasihatkan org bt benda yg tak berguna..Sentiasa berikan nasihat yg berguna and mcm ckp korg..yg berunsur kebaikan..

  4. Banji
    14 Sep 07 10:17 am

    ara – good for you ara.. if people are coming to you for advice, you must be either a great listener or you really understood them.

    betul apa yg ara cakap tu, nasihatkan org ni bukannya bertujuan utk tunjuk kita lebih matang atau berpengalaman. nasihat ni tak lebih dari kita bagi pendapat org ketiga.

    pendapat kita tak semestinya lebih baik, tapi at least dgn pendapat kita tu… org yg dinasihati dah ada sedikit hala tuju mcm mana nak settle problem dia.

    keep it up sis… 🙂

  5. intankamaruddin
    14 Sep 07 11:44 am

    Thanks Banji! 😀

    Hehe. Actually I’m quite like ara too. I give ppl my ears when they need one.

    Anyway, the problem is, i hate ppl who judge me and offer advices when i don’t need it! whats worse is how they convey the msg.

    Once I was very2 pissed off bcoz this one tabligh guy passed me a msg via a girl regarding the way I dress, and it sounds reaaaallly sarcastic and humiliating! I respected him but after d incident I never lookd at him d same way again. He didnt even know me! Atleast, be my friend first only then he should have the right do be that sooo noble prasan bagus like. Huh.

    Maybe I requested diz to my advantage :-D. So dat ppl wud be careful, there’s borderline btw being helpful and bossy. And even if we think they deserve a reminder, giv it nicely. Dont turn them off by ur sharp, self centered tongue.

    *sorry for lengthy comment*


  6. iEn
    14 Sep 07 1:19 pm

    yg hampehnye.. bila kita nasihat duk kata kita ni melebih.. adeh ler.. buat apa laah Allah berikan terlinga kepada kita kalau seseorang tu degil.. :/

  7. Banji
    14 Sep 07 3:03 pm

    intan – a pleasure as always..

    I totally agree with you. there’s nothing wrong in giving advice. but one should always do it in the best of form. giving messages like that, and not even make any attempt to know you is plain insulting. even from dakwah point of view.

    If dakwah is only about conveying the message. Why not Allah give the whole quran in the Gua Hira’? Dakwah is not about giving the message. it must be done in the best of form (hikmah)

    Hopefully this little entry will help in the total makeover of our way of communicating with people

    thanx for requesting them intan 🙂

  8. Banji
    14 Sep 07 3:08 pm

    ien – 🙂 nasihatkan org ni bukan benda senang… yg paling penting ialah kite nak pastikan diorg mendengar.

    hal ni yg tricky sbb… bila kita sendiri dinasihati, kita sedikit sebanyak terasa mcm org pandang buruk pada kita. ego pun tercalar kat situ, mungkin sbb tu cara kita kena lebih banyak biar dia faham sendiri nasihat tu,

    tapi mmg ada org yg mmg takmo dgr, mmg tak dapat dibantu. at least dgr lah dulu pendapat org… nak terima ke tak, is totally up to him / her 🙂


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