Summary – How to be happy when you are single?

Yesterday, I wrote an entry on the secret to be happy in a relationship. Ms Tic and Ms aRa had requested a post on how single people too can be happy. I find this quite challenging since, there is no way I can highlight the happiness of being single, without indirectly saying that being in a relationship is less happy.

That is why I’m not going to go through that route. :) In fact the answer to the question is quite simple. As I previously clarified, the happiness for a couple in a relationship is when they are happy with each other. Logically, the happiness for a single (not in a relationship) person will depend on how happy he is with himself.

We can list down the many tips to become happy, but the truth is as long as we’re not happy with our own self, we will never be truly happy.

Aha! now the big question.. how exactly can we be happy with our own self? the answer to this question go beyond the scope of “single” person. Maybe these points will help.

1) Appearance

I know it’s very classic. But some people still feel ugly when looking in the mirror. Now I cannot solve this issue in one paragraph. That will require a whole book or something :). But in short, we feel ugly because basically we want acceptance from people around us. That’s where we are wrong. To hell with those people! We have no control of our appearance (most of them). It is a gift created by Allah, and if people can’t accept it, that is between them and Him. And boy.. you don’t want to argue with Him. Accept that.. and start enjoying life.

2) Life

Another very wide factor. You are not happy with your life, they are very predictable and it seems that there is no future. “Future is never there to be lived, it has to be made” – My very own quote :)

I know that sometimes life can be so unfair. You worked so hard to get a promotion when other lazy people is getting it. Definitely not fair… So what do you want to do about it? Quit your job? Go speak to your manager? Any action is good. why? because you are shaping your future yourself. Now the problem is when you didn’t do anything about your life and just complain.

I believe you will find my entry on the donkey interesting

3) Relationship

Everytime I wrote the points, I was actually saying “My god! such a broad topic” :) I guess the key point when talking about relationship is that, “we do what we can.. and if that person choose not to be friend with us, so be it.” Everyone like to have friends, Me especially.. But what can we do if that one person just don’t have the desire to be a friend. Their mind are theirs to control, not ours.

/end list

I chose the three major factors that may influence the happiness of a person. I’m sure you will be able to list down the remaining factors. It is important to know that, these factors are never meant for “single” people. They are actually intended to all of us.

I hope as basic as it is, the guide will help shed some lights to us. Do tell, are you currently happy with yourself? If not, what is it about you that you are not happy?

Conclusion – To be happy, we must be happy. Start by accepting our appearance (strength and flaw), Work on our life and lesser thinking of other people’s opinion on you.

—————- Personal Note —————–
I love the donkey story. Somehow it stuck in my mind anytime shit happens :) Definitely helps..

Another good way to be happier with yourself is actually to ask for it. Ask from Allah to be happier. InsyaAllah things will start getting easier in life.. See you guys tomorrow!

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This post has 20 comments.


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  1. 27 Nov 07 4:22 am

    One reason why we are not happier is that our culture is constantly trying to convince us that there is only one way to be successful, beautiful and happy.

    If our culture spoke with one voice, it would say things like:
    –> “If you want to be successful, get an advanced education and work hard all the time, maximize your productivity”.
    –>“If you want to be beautiful, buy these products, mimic the actions of these people exactly.”
    –> “If you want to be happy, then you must make lots of money.”

    Read more @:
    http://panasians.blogspot.com/2007/11/its-your-call.html

    “Life is like a roller coaster, you have the freedom to choose to be afraid on the rollercoaster, or you can be excited and happy.”

  2. filantera
    27 Nov 07 9:03 am

    i think the basic thing on being happy is, how i can be h appy today! single or not, rich or poor….ask this question first, and then others will follow.

    but, this song played in my mind now……..:D

    I beg your pardon
    I never promised you a rose garden
    Along with the sunshine
    There’s gotta be a little rain some time

    eggegegeeeee

  3. banji
    27 Nov 07 10:32 am

    noushy – that’s a very good point noush. Culture.. with all the tv, showing the definition of the word beautiful, we are constantly being fed with their idea of how to be happy with our life.

    This is the first thing we need to have control, our definition of happy

  4. banji
    27 Nov 07 10:34 am

    filantera – hmm there may be some truth there.. we are too busy planning to be happy, until we forget to be happy :)

    happiness is never about “single or not”, “rich or poor”.. As long as we understand that, we should do fine

  5. 27 Nov 07 11:27 am

    hmm.. this one is a good topic, at least for me.
    probably why am I feeling happy being single is because I think I love myself more than anyone else in the world.
    I know what I want, what I love, I know what I hate and I’ll try to avoid it as much as I can.
    be an optimistic, positive person also helps.
    when I’m sad, or mad, I’ll take some time to heal back, and if I’m lucky, I’ll meet some friends who would help.
    see? it’s not that hard being single.
    plus, for me if you’re liking someone, it’s better to hope for his/her happiness as we’ll be happy if s/he also is happy, right? not necessarily to always be with him/her :)

  6. 27 Nov 07 11:42 am

    We must be happy everyday and to make be fun and peace

  7. 27 Nov 07 1:06 pm

    Ehehehehe..tul² lak ade entry happiness for single..Agagagaga…I can be happy anytime and can also be sad at anytime..Adoi..I’ll be happy when i feel confident in myself and would be sad if i’m thinking of work(aiyooo….blm keja lagi ni…)

    Sometime..people look down on me..just bcoz i’m not so beautiful as the pan asia looks appear on tv..I received a lot of comment that just wanted me to feel down..everytime i post my pic…but hell ya..I don’t care what u say…As long as i’m happy with who i am..Agagagaga..

    1 thing that i want 2 add on how 2 feel happy when ur single..Find a single friend..Agagagaga..Sama2 single..so tak yah nak nengok dia dating..Agagagaga..No la..Find a friend that can make u feel happy whenever u feel down..A good friend is a person that are always by ur side no matter u’re sad or happy..but it’s hard 2 find a good friend nowdays..byk nye kwn mkn kwn..Agagagaga…luckly i’ve found not 1 but 2 of them..

    Like this entry..Thank’s Banji.. :)

  8. banji
    27 Nov 07 2:24 pm

    azuwachan – that’s the key… you have to love yourself for you to be happy :) now whenever somebody ask for an evident to the theory, I will direct them to your blog hehe

    life is usually not that complicated. it’s very simple like how you put it. we know what we hate, so avoid them.. so we will hate less. we are sad or mad, take some time.. some people find it complicated because they make it complicated. they hate being cheated, but they befriend a friend whose middle name is cheater :)

    good for you azuwachan! can’t wait for your entry this Thursday!

  9. banji
    27 Nov 07 2:25 pm

    mrozaidi – welcome to the blog mrozaidi :) hopefully today is a happy day for all of us.

    aRa – happy and sad.. then you’re normal. people who is happy all the time, or sad all the time is plain sick :)

    Im proud of you that you are happy with who you are. Believe me, not many had had that enlightenment. When you’re happy with yourself, life will give way for you. They may give you hard time, but still you attitude and maturity will make everything look like secondary school test :) EASY

    You’ve found 2 friends? hmm do I know them? :)

  10. 27 Nov 07 4:03 pm

    – widen your circle of friends. don’t stick to one type of people only.
    – flirt with your SINGLE guy/girl friends too. If you haven’t ready to give your commitment in any relationship, just flirt with anyone you like but don’t go too far. just to make yourself feel lovable. =P
    – do what makes you happy.
    – always hang out and chill with your friends. this will keep you away from the loneliness feeling.

  11. banji
    27 Nov 07 5:26 pm

    aReNieX – great tips areniex… I like that part on flirting. :) flirt just for the sake of flirting in my opinion bring no harm. But one must be very careful, not to break anyone’s heart…

    Nice..so guys.. any other tips?

  12. 27 Nov 07 8:19 pm

    nak tambah sket for the point one. 😀

    sy percaya sume org diciptakan cantik.kalau tgk betul2, i honestly think, for every e.a.c.h person, rupa itu sudah cantik dijadikan Allah. but maybe there’s modifiable factors yg boleh buat org cantik nampak ugly. Nampak saja.

    As for me, other than inner beauty, stylize and dress up, take good facial and body care (dh bnyk product nowadays yg bagi very satisfactory results..), and as for girls, lil make ups maybe? boost our confidence, we’ll feel appreciated and happy, single or mingle.

  13. banji
    28 Nov 07 1:05 am

    intan – bersetuju sgt.. kitakan sebaik2 kejadian, dan beauty lak berbeza bagi setiap org, anyway yg paling penting, ialah kita sendiri nampak kecantikan kejadian kita ni :)

  14. 28 Nov 07 11:39 am

    How to be happy when a you’re single??? Haha…then must rich n confidence in ourself loh. No money how to lead a happy life,how to do all the things you like? Without pretty or handsome look? Never mind,at least we should confident with ourself….
    That’s only way to keep me happy-earn much much money….Ha!

  15. banji
    28 Nov 07 12:51 pm

    Icingsugar – true we will never able to buy stuff without money. But I don’t think money will bring happiness, you will be able to buy things.. and temporary happy, then you will start feeling depressed and since shopping is like the comforting drug, you will start that shopping fiesta again..

    I guess for temporary happiness, money may be the way to go :)

    Anyway welcome to the blog.. :)

  16. 30 Nov 07 11:59 am

    I really want to comment..but i’m in a hurry..hv a plane to catch.. ermm..
    aiyo..

    how come there are single friends who shun away from a friend who is in a relationship? I mean when they are all single they can be close..why suddenly everything change?..

    aiyo..

  17. banji
    30 Nov 07 12:21 pm

    nolee – nolee, where ure going? hm anyone want to answer that?

    I agree with u nolee, nothing should change. it is just ridiculous to stop being a friend to someone in a relationship just because he/she is in a relationship.

    but maybe what some friends here is saying is to make more single friends, in addition to the existing in-a-relationship friends. but ya.. it does sound a bit insecure

  18. 04 Dec 07 3:47 pm

    haloo..banji..sorry i was flying to kuching.. had a splendid department motivational camp cum family day..hehe

    it surely does sound a bit insecure banji..
    I am simply clueless how to handle this people..
    in the end..i just ignore them..which is not helping since i met them anyhow most of the day..

    really upset cause i really treasure our friendship..

  19. banji
    04 Dec 07 10:46 pm

    nolee – hm the best way to still be friend, is simply be a friend. Be the first person to say hi. Even though they ignore that attempt, at least you know that you’ve done your part.

    We can never force anyone to be friend with us, but we can be friend to with them

  20. Jessica
    05 Jun 11 8:26 pm

    probably why am I feel hapi being single its bcuz i lev myself more than anyone else in this world.eks.

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