A friend had written in her blog asking advice on how to move on after a break up with her ex-boyfriend. Many had advised her to start a new hobby, do things to distract her from thinking about him etc. In the end, she said that all those ideas have not worked and only making it worse.

In my opinion, she had approached the problem wrongly. In case you’re reading this. These are the most important steps you must do first.

1) Ask youself – Do you really want to move on?

• The problem with people nowadays is we don’t really know what we want. We said we want to forget the ex-boyfriend and move on but the truth is we are the happiest when thinking about him. So ask yourself, do you really want to move on or not? Establish this first or any attempt to forget him will be useless

2) In order to forget, stop trying to forget

• This is also where people usually go wrong. We cannot force our mind to forget. It will only remember even clearer. Take sleeping for example, try forcing yourself to sleep. You will end up stay awake the entire night. So step no 2 is to stop trying to forget. Stop immediately!

• So what do you do now that you stop trying to forget. You learn from the experience. If your boyfriend is abusive, list down how to identify abusive people for your future reference. Learn everything you can from it and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) whenever his image come up to your mind, reanalyze your experience again. Do take note that this is a very difficult process. It is always much easier and happier to just day dreaming of him proposing to you but you should avoid this.

• Remember, whenever you start thinking about him, NO day dreaming and start listing down lessons. Your mind will slowly associates the memory with “listing down lesson” and hate it so much that it will automatically stop the memory from ever resurface again

Try that, and tell me in two weeks time 🙂 Good luck!

————— Personal Note ————————–
I personally love to listen to people’s problem when they talk to me about it. I usually prefer not to offer any advice but just an ear. After people let out all their problem verbally, they will usually have a clearer picture of their problem and its solution.

I personally love to listen to people’s problem. It usually will enrich me with the experience without having to go through them.

p.s. – How about you guys? How do you move on after a break like that?

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Assalamualaikum guys.. As you may be aware, I just returned from my “Balik Kampung” trip to Kedah. My bus was scheduled to arrive at 12.00 am. So, as always the mrs and I came a bit earlier at around 11.45pm. When I approached the counter, the attendant told me that there may be a bit delay to the bus arrival as the bus just arrived in Alor Setar. I fully understand that. It’s very hard to organize such dynamic arrangements. So I asked her when would the bus arrived here. She told me very convincingly that by 12.45am, the bus will arrive. “That’s fair” I thought to myself, so both of us help ourself with late supper and chat to kill the time.

By 1am, the bus was still no where to be seen. I again approached the counter and asked the whereabout. To my surprise, the girl just smile and said “Biasalah, janji melayu.. katanya tak jalan lagi dari alor setar” I was really shocked. My wife was so furious she claim want to kick the poor flower vase at the place. (which I doubt will break and will only hurt her leg heheh)

So what is this “Janji Melayu”? Yes, I’m familiar with the term. It is when we promise to do something at a specific time but almost very sure will not follow the time.

Why do “Melayu” associated with this type of attitude? Are we proud having this attitude? Where nobody will take our words seriously..Where our words actually is worthless.

For those who read this, Malay or Non-Malay, can I assume that you are at least have some interest in improving yourself? We need to change this term “Janji Melayu”. Forget about everyone else. We are the one who must first change. When we promise something… Let us make sure that the promise is well kept.

If we say, tomorrow at 7am, we will wait at someplace, let the other person know that, that WILL SURELY HAPPEN. To change a culture is not an easy thing to do. But we can surely change our attitude. Once that changed, show other people the importance of that change. Don’t aim to change the attitude of the whole company or university just yet. Aim small. Maybe with your friends.

It is my believe that we are given “akal” to guide the rest of our organs (~hands, leg, eye, and especially mouth) to do good. If our mouth utter words that is worthless. What’s the difference between us and those without “akal”

————— Personal Note ————————–
Do excuse today’s entry which is a bit personal and emotional. Can you blame me? I fully understand that sometime the unexpected happens. And sometime, we can plan all we want but it is always up to Him in the end. I’m just very frustrated when promise now doesn’t carry any value at all and they expect me to accept that. Oh ya, the bus arrived at 2.00 am

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