Summary – Requested post on how to know he’s the one?

Do you have some free time? Maybe we can help a good friend of mine Ms Azuwachan with her question.

Problem – She is currently in doubt with her feeling. She is not sure whether or not she is in love with this person or not. so she asked “How to make sure that you REALLY like someone” and how should she best handle the situation.

Pondering about this does bring up lots of memories hehe. This is what I think about it.

1) You are on the right track
Love really is the most mysterious thing in the world. People have been discussing on what love really is since the beginning of time itself. So don’t be surprised if you are confused. Everybody knows that love exist, but nobody can really put a definition on love.

Being confused on your feeling is actually a good thing. With other friends, you either like or dislike, period. Bestfriends maybe you like more. But to this person, it will be very confusing. He makes you feel so comfortable like a friend, but most of the time, he makes you feel special. And when he did something bad, the hate and sadness can sometimes be very overwhelming. Seriously that is one of the key indication that you are in love with the guy. But of course there is other factor involved.

2) Eliminate what he’s not
There are some things in a relationship that may have the same effect as love. They are not love per se, but they can be mistakenly felt like love. So let’s try to eliminate them

• Is he just a crush?

Crush is actually the same as instant love. You see him, and you felt in love completely… Now how to know whether it is a crush or not? Just check if you know anything about the guy. Crush almost always happen without you having the slightest information on the guy. For example, a crush with the new boy in school.

• Is it due to gratitude?

Sometimes, people go to great deals to help you, with no expectation to get rewarded. You can sometimes feel like owing so much from him that you may feel like liking him more. That’s not love, that’s just your subconcious mind trying to reduce the feeling of gratitude. So check yourself, you will know the answer once you know the question.. (wow very abstract of me)

• Is it due to him being famous? (Edited)

Some people is just so good with people, and they instantly can attract others to like them with their sense of humor, or their knowledge. Usually they are quite famous with people around then. We may like them so much (because they are simply very likeable) that we confused the feeling with love.

There are other factors but I think these three are the most important ones. Usually when we’ve already eliminate these factors, it will be clear that you love him for no apparent reason. Usually that is love 🙂

3) Love is no point 1, point 2 and point 3

All said, love is never a matter we can explain. You love someone, you just know it. You define yourself what is love to you and you honor it. Up until now, I can never describe what I love about my wife. Maybe I can describe them, but believe me the list will be a never ending ones, because I love everything about her, the good and bad and how they complete me.

So answering your question simply, I think if he is special enough that you overcame your shyness and asked in your blog, he is REALLY that special. Give him a chance, but be wise…. 🙂

————–Personal Note————-
I’m sure all friends have more interesting ideas on the big question. Do share..For me, it is always better to give a chance to 10 wrong people, than to miss that one who is the one. – My quote eheh

A very good day to all of you… The sun is .. well not shining, it’s about 1 am in the morning. Tomorrow we will be performing the 8th day of fasting.. so like my friends Yanz asked the other day in the shoutbox, “Siapa tak puasa, angkat kaki”. I’m still not sure whether she meant to raise up a leg or to “cabut” 🙂

I don’t know about you, but every year, I see more people not fasting, and they are not embarassed about it. When asked, they just say that they feel weak if they fast.

That seriously puzzled me, “what do they expect?” We change our lifestyle, of course there will be some change in the way our body react. The first few days are always the hardest. Then our super adaptive body will not only be as normal, it will be better in term of health.

The first war in Islam, which is “Perang Badar” happened on the 17th of Ramadhan. 313 Muslim warriors were fighting about 1000 Quraisy warriors and they won. If muslims can actually performed the fasting while at a war (a fight between life and death), why we cannot fast when we are just doing our light job. We were even get paid for that. Did the muslim in “Perang Badar” get paid?

Most of the time, we even used this fasting month as an excuse to get lighter job. I know my foremen are.. Luckily the indian foremen are very understanding and offer to do heavier job. It’s very embarassing to me, that when they are actually not fasting, but demand the lighter work.

What I’m saying is, we are fasting.. expect to experience some hardship, some hunger and thirst. Don’t whine about being hungry.. That’s just wrong.

Knowing this, I like to expand the idea to all things in life. When we started to work.. we need to expect that we are going to actually do some work. Don’t be like my foreman… Some of them, when asked to do certain work, they insist that this job must be done by another foreman. This is not supposed to happen. we were hired to work, and so we must work. Period.. By the way, off topic, the foreman finally give in and do the repair I asked him to do.

Another example, is when studying.. We must not whine on the need to study. We are student, and we must expect that they will be a lot of studying involved. So.. all we need to do is to study. Yes, sometimes the work overloads, that we can whine. but not about the need to study.

So when we are fasting… please expect to suffer some hunger, thirst and maybe fatigue. Please also expect we are going to be tested, people inviting us to “mengumpat” maybe, or tv shows showing all those sexy girls. It is when we rise beyond this challenge that Ramadhan will bring out the best in us

Any other similar examples happening in your life, please share ya 🙂

————–Personal Note————-
The day is a bit hot now.. I have to admit that sometimes I have this thought in my head to break the fast. What I do, everytime that idea comes, is to think about how Rasulullah, tied rocks to his stomach just to ease the hunger. Immediately feel ashamed of having the thought. How about you? How do you overcome those urge?

So what do you do to be happy back after being sad? It’s Wednesday.. and in here, we’re supposed to be happy on Wednesday :)I was walking around the mill, and come up with these 10 steps on how to be happy. I know I will…. How about you? Do you find they will work?

1) Let all our sadness out. Mourn is the better word. When we are sad… just be sad, cry if you want. But before all that, make a deal with yourself. That you can cry and be sad for as long as you want, but when you’re done, you’re done. No more sadness. (of course don’t talk to yourself in public… people will get the wrong impression eheh)

2) Watch a sadder movie. This is a trick I always found useful. If you were broke, with no money.. just watch “Bersamamu” on TV3 and see poorer condition. You will immediately feel so much better. When life sometimes is very harsh on you… just know that they are more unfortunate people out there.

3) Do what ever things that make you happy. I don’t know about you, but as for now… surfing blogs and writing seems to make me smile 🙂 So that’s what I’m doing now. Can I ask? What things make you happy?

4) Remember the last time you’re happy.. I mean really happy. The kind of happiness that when you think of it, you immediately smile and laugh. (well a smile will do). For me… I just simply remembered the time when my brothers and I played our daily game of “Main-main” when we were kids. We created this imaginative game ourselves. All three of us, would pick a super power and played the character. hehe I’m sure you have your own happy memory that’s just as interesting.

5) Watch kids. I always laughed when I babysit them. Sometimes, if I’m lucky enough.. I will be able to record those funny act from them. FYI America’s Funniest Home Video is my all time favorite, especially the children videos 🙂

6) Share your happiness with friends. Make this a practice. whenever you’re happy.. share them with friends. Happiness is very infectious. So who knows you’re actually the person who brought happiness to that friend of yours.

7) To offer other people a smile or touch them with your positive values. People will feel appreciated and happy. Knowing that you make someone else happy is usually what make us happy. – Contributed by Noushy,

8] Take a deep breath and smile. Not for anyone else, but for yourself. It has to start somewhere… and a smile is a great way to start. – Contributed by filantera

9) Do nothing. If you are actually saddened by a problem, and you’ve tried everything but to no avail. Maybe the best option is to let it go.. a do-nothing approach – Contributed by Azuwachan

10) Make others happy. Like charity work, surprise a friend or help our friends in need. Usually we are what we are surrounded with. Happy environment will definitely makes a happier you – Contributed by Syahidatul

11) Play with cats or other pets. It has been researched and proven that physical contact with pets is very stress relieving. Of course by physical contact means treating them well.. not hitting them or anything. – Contributed by Syahidatul

12) Dance. Dancing is actually how our body express itself, usually to the mood we are having. By dancing when you are sad, it is just another way of letting it all go. And you will definitely feel better – Contributed by aRa

13) Smile and have people smile at you back. This is really satisfying especially when you just help them with a favor. – Contributed by diha

/end list

I’m sure we all have our own way to be happier. Care to share yours.. They will be updated in the post by the end of the day 🙂

* Thanx to my friends, I’ve compiled their suggestions in the list. 🙂 A more detailed explanation is available in the comment section. Feel free to browse them

————–Personal Note————-
🙂 Remember tips no 6, to share your happiness? This is mine… Few days ago, the mrs and I went to the clinic. And the doctor had confirmed that my wife is now pregnant!!!! 🙂 YAYYYYYYY I’m so happy I literally jumped and almost did my happy dance. I actually did but at home la haha.I pray to Allah that the mrs and the baby are both healthy 🙂 I just can’t stop smiling….. 🙂

A story today, I once heard from an unknown resource. I’m also not that sure whether it’s true or not but irregardles, it is a nice story to be shared. (Obviously the story was rewritten based on memory)

Once upon a time, there was a man who is so successful, he was the richest person in the country. One day he decided that he wanted to pay off any debt he had with any person in the country. After paying off all debt, he suddenly realized that he still owe his success to his old mother. And thus he went to see a wise man, asking how he could settle all debt he has with his mother.

The wise man, shook his head and said that there’s no way a mother’s deed can ever be repaid.

The rich man disagreed, and came up with a plan. What he did was he picked his mother off the floor and started carrying her on his back for 10 years. This according to him should settle the burden he was when the mother was pregnant. In the 10 years time, he did everything, his mother did when he’s a child. feeding her with his own hand, bathing her, everything to repay back all the little things he did.

After the ten years passed. He again went to the wise man, and tell him every little thing he did. Apparently he kept a notebook listing it all, complete with time and date.

The wise man simply said that “What you did however great it was, will never match even a drop of your mother’s breast milk. or a second of your time seeing with those eyes”

(I’m sorry to interrupt… this is how I remember the story, “eye” with “blind”, get it? ok on with the story hehe)

The rich man said “You are just making this up, how come what I did doesn’t match what she did?”

The wise man replied “It is because, when your mother carried you, fed you, bathed you… the only thing in her heart is the hope to see you grow and happy. But when you carried her, feed her, bathed her.. the only thing in your heart is wondering when will she die.”

/end story

Seriously, I pray to Allah, please don’t let me be that type of person. Where when we care for our parents, we are counting every deed we do to them, thinking “apsal lak aku yg kena jaga, anak2 dia lain buat apa?”, and every now and then, hoping that they will die soon so that I can move on with my life. Please Ya Allah…. Please don’t.

————–Personal Note————-
There are two most important person in my life. My mama and Maktuk. Unfortunately I cannot care for them. My mother is still working in KL. She is a very independent woman being a single parent and all. All I can do is to go visit her every now and then. That’s why sometimes I’m not able to update the blog. I seriously hope to be able to take care of her when she decided to stop working.