Summary – Problems are meant to be solved not hidden hoping it will go away.

Today, one of the machine in the mill had a breakdown. When we had a look, we can see some scratches at the shaft (Actually there’s more damage to it, but let make this simple). I then asked “How is this get scratched?” The operator said he know nothing of it and the workshop personnel back him up by saying this is normal. I was surprised at the answer, because damage like that cannot be normal. Something must have cause it. And for the workshop personnel to say it normal means that they’ve encountered the damage previously but were lazy to follow up and investigate. They just replaced the shaft.

Yes, there is such thing as wear and tear in the industry but I know wear and tear when I see one. This is not wear and tear.

In short, we investigated and solved the problem. The reason I highlighted this is because it a typical practice for us to hide the problem rather than face it. Investigation to find the cause of the damage is very tedious and time consuming, Yes I know. But it had to be done. Or else the problem will keep recurring.

This is not only bound to engineering problem, but to all of our life problem. If we somehow hurt our loved ones’ feeling, usually we will just try to apologize or worse just sleep on it, hoping tomorrow everything will be back to normal. This will not solve the problem, instead the problem will accumulate until one time, all hell break loose. Unfortunately for us, relationship is not like a machine where we can just overhaul or get a new one.

So please, if we’ve hurt our better half’s feeling, talk it over. If talking and open up feelings are not a culture in your relationship, start it immediately. You (the man) will not be weak by expressing your feeling, but of course don’t be overly emotional. and you (the woman) will be better understood if you speak up your feeling once in a while, but of course as gentle as possible.

————— Personal Note ————————–
There is a phrase taken from Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah talk on relationship in Era on how to persuade your husband to do things around the house. Somehow I remember them. Caution – husband and wife conversation follows…Wife – Bertuah saya dapat abang ni tau, abg ni baik, suka tolong di dapur.
Husband – Iye? (Hati berbunga2)
Wife – Tapi kan…. kalau abg boleh tolong saya basuh pinggan.. lagi saya terharu.
Husband – (knows already the wife actually want some help with the dishes) Ye la.. I’ll do it for you 🙂
Wife – Tq 🙂

Source – Forwarded email

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan has involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I’m Saw Lee.

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

/end

Just some joke, I received. Actually My wife received it and read it to me. figuratively speaking, I roll on the floor laughing.

It strucked me then, misunderstanding is a very common things when it comes to communication. People have it all the time, So will us. So hopefully if I misunderstood any comments or remarks you make while presenting additional ideas to the entries, please excuse me ye… and maybe patiently explained them for the benefit of us all.

Hmm better yet, let us all give each other a break if misunderstanding occur.

Trying to start a fight with your loved ones to get her attention is just so sweet. Good luck Filantera. (For those who have no idea, please refer to previous post’s comment) We would do anything for our better half now wont we?

One thing has been puzzling me on this love matter, maybe you guys can give your own opinion on this.

You see, there are two love quotes that I “accidentally” (I can be hopelessly romantic sometime) memorize. The two contradict each other but I love them both.

Love quote #1 – If you want to hate somebody, leave 1% of your heart for love because who knows, the one you hate may someday be the one you will love the most.If you want to love somebody, leave 1% of your heart for hate because who knows, the one you love may someday be the one you will hate the most

• This may be true at one point. When the person you love the most hurt you, somehow the pain is multiplied thousands times. And when suddenly an event happen that make you hate him such as cheated, used etc, the pain will be so extreme it is impossible to endure.

• It’s better to have that 1% of hate so that maybe it will not hurt so much then

Love quote #2 – Love ! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely (Corrected by filantera)

• This also make sense. If you love someone with all you heart and it turns out she’s not the one and she dump you, you’ll be hurt like dying but with time you will get over it and move on.

• But what if you did find the one person destined for you, the most perfect companion for you and you throw her aside because of the fear of getting hurt, and she’s gone. Would you forgive yourself? Ever?

So do you see my dilemma? I believe both are true to some extent. And that they are most perfect when complementing each other. What do you guys think? Personally, which would you choose and believe?

————— Personal Note ————————–
I was just been told that tomorrow 19/7 is actually a public holiday for us in Negeri Sembilan. Wow.. either I’m just that ignorance or I’m such that good a worker. By the way, as always I will be going to KL this evening and visit my dear mother there. She is now 50 years old (born alongside Malaysia) but still she won’t give up her job. I guess she’s just that independent and tough. Anyway, as always I will be seeing you via email. So please come and say hi… it will be the high of my day.As for my mother, there’s no question that I love her 100% and I would die for her (seriously)

Presented are two sketch of how people argue. A husband, Habi and his wife, Waifi are arguing on who will take their son, Sani to the dentist.

Scenario 1

Habi – Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi – Why are you looking at me?
Habi – I’m just trying to discuss this, who will bring Sani to the dentist tomorrow (with a raised voice)
Waifi – why don’t you just volunteer doing it. Be a gentleman la
Habi – So when it comes to this, it must be always me. You were sometime so selfish you know (hoping his wife dont hear that)
Waifi – I heard that, you called me selfish? how dare you. It’s not that I didn’t do anything for him. And when it comes to this you didn’t even offer to take him.
Habi – And you think I am just a “tunggul”? didn’t do anything for Sani? Well whatever.
Waifi – Whatever
Habi – Fine!!
Waifi – Fine!!

Scenario 2

Habi – Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi – (sigh) Do we really need to?
Habi – Hm I guess.. So how?
Waifi – Ok let’s focus here. Are you busy tomorrow?
Habi – Apparently yes, I have a meeting with my boss regarding the estimate preparation for next year. You?
Waifi – Same here, there’s a work I’m way behind schedule and I need to finish it ASAP. So maybe the day after?
Habi – hm I’ll try to change the appointment. How about weekend? both of us can go. And you can be the calming mother while I laugh at his pain Muahahaha
Waifi – You are evil… Weekend’s good for me,
Habi – Now where were we? hehe

/end scenario

Believe it or not, almost all argument happened in our life fall under scenario 1. This is another mindset we need to change.

When arguing/discussing, don’t attack the person, but attack the topic argued/discussed.

Old news? hehe yes you might think so, but please see for yourself, when there’s an argument or discussion. You can see clearly that when A is presenting an idea, and B is calling it rubbish, and A who knows that B might be right, will DEFENSIVELY react. He will take that critics personally even though B meant it for the benefit of all.

However, it is almost always B is the one who first attack A personally so if :

• you are A – take a deep breath, see if there is any truth in B’s critics, acknowledge it and take what you can use

• you are B – Good manner while giving negative comments is always appreciated, make it constructive and unless you have better idea to offer, it is always better to remain silent

————— Personal Note ————————–
Even though I know all this, there will always a stir in the my feeling when somebody attack me personally. A few months back, I was in the meeting and I came up with some ideas to basically improve the efficiency of the mill. The “a bit more senior” colleague of mine then said that I’m still new to the mill (I was just transfered here 1 year ++ ago) and that he knew best. (Sigh) The fact that I’m still new is irrelevant as long as the ideas are concerned. I however proceed with my renovation and Alhamdulillah, I had reduced the stone content of kernel produced by about 1.5% which is a lot. Yey!